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26 February 2010

Something strange happened this week

I've been following a blog about "living green" etc., for some time now.  I comment occasionally there, but not often.  I sometimes agree with his position, other times i don't.  I find that many of the things he recommends for living frugally, or using earth-friendly cleaners, or other issues are things i'm already doing.

The other day he had a comment on the health care bill.  Now, Alane & i have already debated that here.  In a nutshell, i DO think we should do something about uninsured folks in this country.  But this plan put into place would be enormous & cover every American (actually, bring us under the direction of gov't "approved" health care in most every area).  I think that plan is a huge mistake.  And as someone who doesn't trust conventional medical care (or the gov't), i don't want the gov't involved, telling me what i can & cannot do.  McCain currently has a bill in place that has the potential to limit OTC supplements at the discretion of the FDA & that has me more than a little concerned.

I stated my opinion on this blog.  (In my opinion, tho i didn't express this there, anyone who is "green" & concerned for the earth should be concerned about what is happening with Big Gov't, Big Pharma, conventional medicine & the rights of people as well.)  I believe i was polite in my questioning the support of the health care bill.  (I don't believe i have ever been rude to anyone on their blog, tho i admit at times i want to be sarcastic.)  I don't usually put myself down for email notification of further comments, but that time i did.  He responded & asked if i have health care coverage.  So i answered his question, further outlining my concerns that if the bill passes i will lose many of my freedoms of choice in regard to using alternative health.

A couple of days passed & i didn't give it much more thought.  But then seeing that blog in the blog reader later i thought that it was strange that i'd not had any further notifications.  I assumed he didn't respond to my answer.  But he usually does get 5-10 comments per blog so i thought it odd.  So i went back to the post & found that he had removed my original comment, his question, & my response.  

A personal blog is a personal blog, & that person can do anything with it they wish.  I  like blogs with discussion & debate as long as the discussion/debate is respectful & not rude.  Guess this guy doesn't tolerate any opinion that doesn't support his own.  I'm not a reader any more.  Figure that i've not time for someone like that.

I've been having an "empty" feeling week.  But had a really good conversation with my sis (#3) tonight.  I do so appreciate her.

Almost more than i can express.  I was 9 when Sis #3 was born.  I loved that child more than i could begin to verbalize.  I'm not sure she ever really knew that.  The way our family functioned did not encourage closeness between individual members.  I moved away as soon as i turned 18, so she wasn't yet 9.  My contact with her after that was quite limited, as my mother declared me "demon possessed" & restricted my sisters from seeing me.  

After college my sister taught English in China for 3 years (thru a Christian Organization that sends Christian English teachers to China because they allow the teachers in but won't allow missionaries).  When she returned to live in the US, she had a choice of two jobs.  One was in Florida near Sis #2, the other in CA near me.  I hoped she would stay in CA but didn't believe she would.  She & Sis #2 were close & i assumed she would move to be near family (i didn't consider myself that).  

To my great surprise & Sis #2's great displeasure, she chose to stay in CA.  She & Sis #2 had some pitched battles about that, i've been told, & weren't on good terms for a while.

I can't help but think, today, how different my life would be had she made the other choice.  

We were very cautious around each other, of course.  I was still very much "black sheep" & no one in my family trusted me - nor i them.  But time has passed & we have carved out a relationship that still surprises me at times with its depth.  

What is more, had she not moved here, i would have essentially no relationship with any of my family.  Sis #2 came out several times to visit.  She came to see Sis #3, of course, but i happened to be nearby & so i sometimes was included.  Had Sis #3 not been living here, no one would have made that trip.  

When Duane & i went to visit my parents & family the holiday season of 2005 (just after we lost Kaylee) it was the first time i'd been to my parents' home since 1989.  Not sure that would have happened had i not had a relationship with Sis #3.  

I think, had she not moved here, i would feel even more empty, more lonely, more cast adrift & lost than i'm feeling now.  Probably exponentially so.  I'm still pretty empty tonight, but less so.  My sis was kind & understanding.  She touched my heart.  

I am so blessed.

I'm blessed as well, by all the lovely folks who read my blog.  Thank you for the supportive comments.  I so appreciate you!


24 February 2010

How can i . . .

be so lonely, when Face Book tells me i have 87 friends?


20 February 2010

S'more this 'n that

I'm fighting something like a cold, only it isn't contagious.  Sore throat, itchy ears, cough, etc.  I think it is allergy-related & stress-induced.  (I know i'm not contagious 'cause if i was Duane would be ill, you know, kissing before i realized this was not going away.)  I seem to come down with this "non-contagious pseudo-cold" fairly frequently.  But it has sure screwed up our weekend.

I feel like i've the attention span of a fruit fly.  I can't seem to hold my attention on anything for longer than 30 seconds.  

I don't like this version of blogger's photo thingy.  I can't move the pics around.  The top two are of when i tried to get pics of the mountains (San Gabriel) when i was driving around OC a couple of weeks ago.

The picture of the cutie above is Mrs. Mac of several blogs.  I got to meet her!!!  I was so excited.  They were at Disneyland & she took time out from her day to meet me (bought me a coffee-drink, wasn't that sweet?).  The second pic is of the two of us together.  

These last two Duane took on our way home Thursday.  These are the San Bernardino mountains.  The taller peak on the left side  is Mt. Gorgonio & it is the highest peak in So Cal at 11,503 ft.  You can't see Sugarloaf from this view.  It is on the other side of this range with a valley between it & these mountains.  But i think, considering that this is the south face of the mountains, they still have quite a lot of snow on them.  

I had been taking a number of remedies for this sinus thing, coltsfoot, & colloidal silver, & other things.  I kind of stopped because i thought they weren't helping much.  I was wrong.  Need to go take some more.  It sounds really windy outside.  We were suppose to be in OC tonight for a BD party but didn't make it because of my "cold."  I'm sorry for that for Duane really wanted to go.  I encouraged him to go without me, but he didn't want to.  If i'm complaining too much, i don't mean to.  I know it isn't very serious, but i don't feel very well. 


16 February 2010

Just some links

I've been keeping some pages open on my computer now for a while. I wanted to mention them but not to bookmark them. I seem to have problems with bookmarks. I use about 5% of the bookmarks regularly. The other 95% are just there. I might look at them on rare occasion, but not enough to really justify them. And because there are so many, if i'm looking for a specific but not frequently used one it can be hard to find, even tho i categorize obsessively. I need to go thru & organize my bookmarks.

Anyhoo . . . There are a few i feel worth mentioning, on a diverse variety of things.

Health Care, Running Out of Time is an article that has been open for a couple of weeks now. I find it most interesting. It is discussing out current health care crisis & where it is headed. But the most important, i think, is the last paragraph whic
h states that this crisis can only be averted by a paradigm shift. If we want all that we have currently in health care, & want the gov't to fund it all, we are in a lot of trouble.

This article also deals with the misleading statistic used that our lifespan currently is longer than 100 years ago & how the statistics have been manipulated. I've long known this discrepancy, but this explains it better than i've ever seen elsewhere.

I frequently mention Sara Frankl, of the blog Gitz. She is someone who has seen her life really go off track, as far as plans & dreams. But she has an attitude i admire & envy. She did a guest post recently called The Ugly Truth & i've had it open for a couple of days now because she writes of "fairness."

I'm not sure i agree with her statement that "humans came up with the idea of fairness, it didn't come from God." I disagree with this because we seem to have an innate sense of what is fair. Very small children are able to identify when something is not right, not fair. However, it is true that life isn't fair & we all have to deal with it. I find Sara's attitude remarkable, particular
ly as i find that i don't, honestly, value life a lot. My situation is far from being like hers, but i struggle to accept it & to find value in my life. But she does & i'm just so blessed to be able to be influenced by her.

I've learned that Dr. Mercola is speaking at a Longevity Conference the end of March. Along with a number of other people. Part of me really wants to go - largely because where it is being held is 8 blocks from where my ILs live. Wow! In my own back yard, so to speak. Then practicality stepped in. 1. I doubt i'd have the energy to attend a 3 day conference. 2. I'd have to stay in OC over a weekend. 3. They'd be preaching to the choir, really. (Not saying i wouldn't learn anything, but do expect that much of it would be old ground for me.) 4. I don't want to go alone, but i'm not sure there is anyone i could find to go with me. 5. I think that money would be better off spent elsewhere.

There's a new email going around about the chalk guy. It didn't have a link, just a lot of images. So here is one. This guy really is amazing. He has to plan this out in such detail & where the camera will actually be to hold the illusion. These often have to be drawn hugely elongated or distorted to hold the illusion from just one spot. I did find a link: The Chalk Guy.

I've begun a new blog called I Looked For Love. I'm finding that i'm really struggling to understand life & God & just trying to "figure things out." I may not write there often, but it will all be "religious/spiritual" stuff that i wanted to put all together in one place. I'm not really expecting to have anyone follow it.

Hopefully our tires will be in before long & we'll be headed down the hill.

Duane & i often laugh at our bad timing. Of course, there is never a good time to get a flat tire, but this week i planned to meet someone & i'm hoping that the delay won't screw it up. I don't remember when i began reading Mrs. Mac's blogs, The Thrifty Garden/Home & Whatever Happened To . . . But i've been reading & enjoying her blogs for a while now. She's on vacation in So Cal this week, & we've planned to meet for tea & chat this afternoon. I'm excited to meet another blogger in person & so hope our tire thing doesn't mess it up.


15 February 2010

Way Behind

Blogger dashboard tells me i'm 4 days behind in blog reading. Well, not quite that much, probably, because when i check a blog i usually see all the posts, not just the one blogger shows as "current."

Did i mention i'm knitting a sweater for my MIL? Her BD is late this month. It will just be rather big & bulky, but it is a pretty lavender color, bamboo/acrylic mix. I've the front & back done now, & am starting on the sleeves. I've made sweaters before, but not for many years. I never use a pattern (sweater pattern, i do use a pattern for the lace). I'm doing the horseshoe pattern with it. I like the lace trellis best, but i get impatient in having to count the purl rows. I'll post a pic, eventually.

I have meant to write here a number of times now, but have had things going on & haven't done it. I meant to post some pics of "This is why people want to live in So Cal" from last week, because it was so beautiful. I never got really good pics of the mountains, tho. I tried, but the other part of So Cal is that there is so much in the way: Buildings, electrical lines, freeways, cell towers, trees, hills & so much more.

When i first moved to So Cal i couldn't wait for heaven to
be able to see what this area is meant to look like, to see it as it was created before we humans got to it.

Anyway, here are a few of those pics.

The last 4 here were taken in the parking lot of the office where i work. These flowering ornamental trees were cut back severely in January because one came down in the storm & so they had all of them trimmed. (I miss the foliage, honestly.) I mention that because it still is so strange to me.

When i was growing up in Montana, "trimming trees" was a delicate job. If you got too enthusiastic about it, you could kill the tree very easily. When i first moved to Ca i lived in Long Beach. We had a beautiful ficus tree in the front yard. I loved that tree a lot. But it was overgrown & needed trimming. So it was trimmed, & i was so angry! I thought they'd killed the tree. They cut it back so severely there was no foliage left on the tree. I thought if it survived, it would be years before it was green again.

Ah, welcome to So Cal, Kathryn. Within a month the tree was green & leafy again. So different from where i grew up! I mention this because it still is a surprise to me to see blossoms on these trees 2 weeks after they were trimmed to trunk & branches. In January/February, no less! The rest of the country (most of it) won't see spring for weeks yet.

I've a headache like nobody's business today. I woke up with it. Makes me wonder how folks who don't see a chiropractor manage. I'm sure this is because i've gone 3 weeks or so without an adjustment. I'm feeling it all over (the lack of a recent adjustment). Did some massage over the weekend & i could really feel the problem in my wrists & ankles too.

This headache is pretty bad. Nothing i have tried has helped at all.

We had a mess with the new car already. When there is a lot of melt/thaw/freeze weather the roads don't handle it well. We have a lot of potholes. Hit one Saturday night on our way home from visiting Duane's aunt & uncle in town. It tore a hole in the sidewall of the front passenger tire. Did not ruin the rim, for which we are thankful. Found one place in town open Sunday AM (& so did not make it to any church). Turns out they do put expensive tires on some new cars (to my surprise). Replacing that tire will be more than twice the cost of what we normally spend. They are "high performance" tires & go only about half the mileage of something less costly. Pay twice the price to have it go half as far??? They are softer tires so that they corner better, supposedly.

We've decided to replace both front tires with something more durable than "high performance" tires. We'll have one spare to use in case something happens to those expensive ones we'll still have on the rear. The cost to replace both front tires with the cheaper tires is less than replacing the one that was ruined with an identical tire. I don't rotate tires. I never have. Someone told me, long ago, that the reason to rotate tires is so that you have to replace all four at the same time, because they have "balanced wear." I've always driven a front wheel drive. I buy two new ones & put them on the front. The two on the front (which are newer ones) go on the rear. This has always worked well for me because i only have to replace 2 at a time, not 4, & i always know which are the newest. Duane says we'll do the same on the Subaru, even tho it is a all wheel drive.

Anyway, the tires won't be in until about noon tomorrow (hopefully by then) so our schedule tomorrow will be off. I have to say, i'm so, so, so very thankful Duane was driving when this happened. I don't think i would have been as calm about the whole thing (or he, either) had i been driving.

Please don't think that i'm not reading your blog! I am/will. I may not comment, tho. I've been a bit ovewhelmed the past week or so.


11 February 2010

A lot to say & no words to use

Last week i had something planned, planned to a degree in great detail. I was excited about it & ready to go. Due to circumstances outside my control it didn't happen. Yet i still had obligations to keep, so i had to follow thru. It took ALL the energy i had to fulfill that obligation & all the emotion as well as i was quite upset about the whole thing.

It has just simply not been an easy week. It certainly has had its high-lights - i got to see my Sis & dear friend Brenda. But it has had its really, really low spots as well. Frankly, it seems i've cried a lot this week.

What was going to happen last week will probably occur this week. But i have no plans, no supplies, no obligation to fulfill, no energy for the project, & absolutely no enthusiasm for it whatsoever. So how that's going to all work out is up in the air. Hopefully i can raise some interest in the next few hours, but i'll not have my original excitement or hope. I am totally apathetic, i'm afraid, & left to myself would probably spend much of the weekend in bed with my head under the covers.

Sis #2 lives in San Diego. She drove up a little way on Tuesday & i drove down & we met & had lunch & just kind of hung out. It had been raining on Tuesday & did again later. But the drive down showed the sky dark to the right (north) & sunlight on the water. I tried to creat a panorama of the event. This is only part of it, the sky got much darker to the right, but 180 degrees is difficult to create. This isn't the best view, for the separate pics didn't blend all that well. Click on the pic to enlarge it for a better view.

I've more pics, but will have to post them another day.

I've been going thru internet withdrawl for the past couple of days. No internet at my ILs house, & so except for here & there i've not been on all that much. WAY behind on blog reading.


08 February 2010

Two weeks later

Superbowl was a good game. I didn't particularly care which team won, but it was well played. Coverage (replays) - not so good, however. Duane's opinion is that CBS never has good coverage.

There are a number of things going on with me which i don't feel comfortable talking about right now, so i'm kind of stifling my voice.

However, i took a walk around part of the neighborhood today to get pics of what we look like two weeks after 5 ft of snow (& we've had 6 more inches drop since then). Things seem to be melting quickly, but you tell me what you think.

I added the arrow here. It shows where our curb lies. The rest of that (big) pile of snow is all out in the street. Not sure why they did it this way, maybe because we're on the corner.

Again. See the "crease" in the driveway in front of where Duane is walking? That is the beginning of our driveway. All the rest of that snow is in the street. The road is quite clear, but there is only room for one car at a time.

More storms coming they say, & i hear some folks are freaking out. But there is only about 6 inches predicted & after nearly 5 feet 2 weeks ago, most of us are saying, "Huh! Bring it on! It can't be that bad!" Now, if they were predicting another 2-3 feet i'd be stressed.


07 February 2010

No one particularly interested?

Today is a gorgeous day, blue sky, puffy white clouds, a temp near 35F.

So, i don't know really what is the matter with me. I returned home from church quite depressed. All i want to do is pull the covers over my head. What is my problem???

Part of it, i think, is that no one is really all that interested in the Superbowl. I enjoy football, but i'm not an avid fan. Somehow Superbowl Sunday snuck up on me. How is it possible it is time already? But no one i know is all that interested in the outcome of the game. For me, Superbowl Sunday is a day where you get together with friends & enjoy it. Except, there is no one to get together with.

I know there are some other issues for me, too. For now i think i'll just enjoy watching the squirrels & chickadees.

(The pic is from three years ago. We have much, much more snow than this, but this shows off one of the puffy clouds like what i'm seeing now.)


05 February 2010


I've a blog of lists & things i want to remember. I don't post there often - i post there rarely & don't look at it often either. It is public, but i don't use it much.

I am getting ready to do an extensive list there, & opened it up to find, to my great surprise, comments there! This blog notifies me of comments, but that one does not. I never expected to have any comments. It was a pleasant surprise.

I'm totally overwhelmed by what needs to be done in the house. It can't wait. I cannot wait until Monday when either Debi or Patty come. So i'm using that blog of lists today to help me get some things done. It will be boring, but if you are curious about what i'm doing, it is there.

It will be boring because i'm going to do a detailed list. Because i can so rarely do much at all, a long list of things i did do sometimes cheers me up! (Not quite as detailed as "put on panties, put on pants, put on bra . . . " but almost!) Also, when i'm overwhelmed, an extensive list helps me to know the next step to take. I'm going to go at this in 20 minute intervals, & then have a break, hoping that this will help me get stuff done.

Oh, my mixer arrived! I ordered several things last week. One was a scale for food, another a mechanical scale for me (i didn't think my digital was accurate) & most importantly i bought a Kitchenaide mixer. I'd been wanting one for some time. We were given some Christmas money & i used mine (& a little more) on the mixer. If - no when - i get the kitchen cleaned up, i'll take pics & post them. :)


Murphy was an optimist

This has been one week for the Murphy's Law thing.

For a couple of weeks now i've been planning on going to a Monday AM get together where local knitters meet & work on projects together for about an hour. Perfect! I've not a lot of energy, but an hour of knitting with other ladies sounds like a good way to meet folks. But i kept forgetting until too late.

This Monday i remembered. It had been meeting at a local small bookstore but the online calendar said that they'd be at the donut shop this week. So i headed out. Got there & the donut shop folks knew nothing about it. She was, however, excited by the idea.

So i went on to the bookstore thinking they might be there, anyway. But no one was there & the store was closed. So i went back to the donut shop but still no one had arrived. I bought hot tea & took it home. Did call later to discover that one lady did show up eventually, but had been caught in a traffic snarl where they weren't letting traffic thru. (This is a very small town, so for two of us to meet is not probably unusual, but traffic that delays someone half an hour is.) Oh well. There is always next week. If i remember.

I had it arranged for someone to come help in the house today. But she isn't able to come. The problem is i bought a ton of food to have her help me with. It has to be done or thrown away (fresh from farmer's market). So i guess i need to get busy, but i'm overwhelmed. The house is a disaster, too. Had i known she wouldn't come i would have arranged for Patty to come clean today, but it is too late. Normally the house doesn't look quite this bad, but the vacuum broke & we've cat hair everywhere. (Jazz leaves clumps of white hair on every surface, it seems.)

But i'll call Patty & have her come Monday. And probably will get the help i need elsewhere too. Just at the moment i'm completely overwhelmed. Just got to take it one step at a time, but i'm not so good at that. I tend to do too much & then pay for it later.

I really don't have much to complain of, but i do anyway!


03 February 2010

Do you believe in Murphy's Law?

Looked it up at Wikipedia. There are a lot of different versions of the idea. Simply stated it is: "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." But further is listed (at Wikipedia):

Murphy's Extended Law: If a series of events can go wrong, th
ey will do so in the worst possible sequence.

O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist.

Uh huh. Yep.

I think i grew up with my own form of Murphy's Law: Anything i deeply desire with all my heart will never happen.

Now, that didn't always play out that way, but it did often enough that i struggled with the desire for things. Or people. It got to the point that i was afraid that if people knew i really liked them they would for sure be "taken" from me. My Montana Mom & her family came to CA when i'd been living here for about a year. They drove up & i sat in the house & waited for them to come to the door before i greeted them. I guess they could see me thru the window & her husband said, "Yeah. She's really glad to see us!"

But the truth is i was so excited to see them i was terrified to show it. I think i would have wiggled myself out of my skin, rather like an over-excited puppy, had i let them see how thrilled i was that they were there.

I've had a number of folks come to CA who don't even bother to call, much less want to spend time together.

There are two things that i have wanted with all my heart for nearly all my life. One has been to be a wife & to be part of a dynamic marriage. Yes, without a doubt i've been blessed with that. The other is to be a mama. That i've wanted for as long as i can remember. It is becoming clear it will not happen. I struggle with it.

Feel like i've been slapped by Murphy's Law.

The pics are from three years ago, this time of year. Just before we moved to Big Bear. I don't know what these trees are, they've always looked like a crabapple to me. They never have fruit, they are ornamental. Used a lot around here, & they bloom the end of January & early February. We came down for the end of the bloom, this week.

In another 2 weeks it will be 3 years since we moved to Big Bear & 2 years since we purchased Sugarbear. :)