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21 August 2009

Night dreams (as opposed to day dreams!)

When i'm really not doing well at all, i don't dream. At first i just thought it was that i didn't remember dreaming, but when i started feeling better i was aware i had been dreaming even if i didn't remember the dream. And the fact is i usually don't remember dreams, but i was so relieved when i had the awareness i'd had them. Because i realized i was feeling better when i was dreaming.

I haven't had much awareness of dreaming lately. And, a couple of days ago i woke with that heaviness. I think i wrote of it before. It reminds me the feeling a child has after a hard day of play & just drapes herself over the shoulder of the adult who picks her up to go to bed. And it is a good feeling! It is a feeling that you played hard all day, & soon bed will take you to oblivion. And that heaviness helps you to sink right into sleep.

It is a lovely feeling, at the end of the day. It is a horrible feeling to wake up to. And there are some days i wake to that feeling & know that it is not going to be an easy day. When i woke the other morning feeling that way, before my consciousness set in, it was actually a pleasant feeling, "Now i'm going to sink into sleep!" But when awareness kicked in that it was morning & i needed to get up that pleasant feeling evaporated. It is nasty to wake up feeling like you need a good 8 hours sleep. So i assumed that i've not been dreaming much. And was surprised to wake to the awareness of today's dream.

This is what i dreampt:

I was at a function at the college where i'm alumni (an alumnus?). Went out to my car & saw the door standing open. But i had just dropped some things off & ran an errand, so my first thought was "Funny, did i walk away with it open?" I got in & ready to shut the door & saw that the door was broken. (Strange thing, with car break-ins often the window is broken, but in this case the door was all window & the outter part was gone. Dreams are funny.) Also my purse, phone, money, etc. was all gone.

So i got out of the car & a few people were passing by - not many, it was fairly late at night. I asked if i could borrow a cell phone to report the break in & theft, & no one would let me use their phone.

So i walked to the nearest dorm. And tried to find someone to help me. Got to a pay phone (lost my money so i don't know how i made the call) & couldn't seem to get anywhere with anyone. So i went to the little office nearby & asked the dorm monitor on duty to use the phone.

His response was, "You already did." He'd heard me on the payphone.

"But i didn't reach anyone to help me!" I wailed. He shrugged. We talked back & forth some, but i wasn't going to get help. So i walked out.

"Where are you going?" he asked me.

"I'll walk to the police station & make a report," i responded.

So i walked for a while & reached the police station. When i got there i found 2 people behind a desk, & a number of folks - probably 8 or 10 - waiting, but in no apparent order. Also there was an office off to the side with other police personel & the folks behind the desk came & went into the office.

What was going on there was totally disorganized. People were walking to the desk in random order but it looked like nothing was done. I stood in a "line" behind an elderly lady, but before long she walked off.

I'm a big believer in not thinking i'm more important than the next guy. I don't believe at a 4 way stop that the person next to go should always be me. (I saw a lady - on her cell phone - breeze thru a stop sign the other day behind someone who had come to a proper stop. I suppose she figured if she'd already stopped behind the other person she shouldn't have to stop again.) I don't think i should automatically go to the head of the queue whether it is people standing in the line, or a line of cars. (I've seen folks also "pass" others on the side of the road when we are waiting for an accident to clear. They are too important to wait for the rest of us to get out of their way.)

So i waited, hoping that work was being done & i would be helped eventually. After a while i just went on to the desk, but the person behind it ignored me. So i began to speak, rather loudly, "I need help! My car has been broken into & things stolen. Isn't there anyone who can help me with this?" I may have been whining a bit, too.

I went on like this for a little bit, & both the folks went into the side office & shut the door. I woke up remembering the shut door.

I'm not into dream analysis. On the rare occasion i remember a dream i don't usually think, "Wonder what that meant?" Instead i usually think of it as a good story my brain created. So i woke from this dream & thought, "Wow, that was really frustrating!"

But, independent of that, a few minutes later i was thinking about my strange-odd-bizarre-really awful monthly pain pattern. This has been going on for years. No cause has ever been postulated by a doc, nor has any doc ever shown any real interest or curiosity in this highly unusual situation. And i realized that my experience in trying to get help from the medical field with this pain pattern is similar to the frustration i felt in the dream.



Rosemary said...

Hello from the East Coast! Interesting post and I think you are onto something with your first interpretations. I remember either reading or hearing on the radio a discussion about dreams and the "expert" called them letters from home; in a sense, from your subconcious trying to make the conscious you understand a message. The great and encouraging thing I took from it was that even if you miss the first letter, your subconcious will keep sending you more letters via your dreams until you get the hint. So, perhaps this is what your mind is doing. I would be interested in you revisiting this sometime if you continue to have similar dreams.

byhisgracealone said...

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Land of shimp said...

It seems most dreams are spawned by the things that occur in our waking lives.

What I was really struck by was that in your dream there seemed to be a theme of frustration not just with your struggles to feel well, but of people and events treating you as if you weren't important enough to help :-(

You are! Keep holding onto hope.

By the way, have you ever looked into acupuncture? A friend of mine had great success with acupuncture and diet management when it came to some fatigue and skin rash issues.

I think that is a great thing that there are many, diverse treatment options. Some people don't respond well to alternative medicine, some don't to traditional.

I have another friend who swears up and down she finally managed to conquer her long term allergy issues by making sure she did energy work/balancing her chakras/meditating.

She's tried just about everything out there, from modern medicine, to herbal treatment, to hypnosis. She says it was the energy work that did it for her.

You know what? I completely believe her. She found what worked for her.

I hope, very soon, you find exactly what works for you and you feel truly well.

Lynnette Kraft said...

Hi Kathryn. I haven't read your post yet - I'm just responding to your comment on mine - I'll read yours when I'm done writing (now isn't that backwards!).

Exactly! That's what I say to your comment. Above all, I AM happy to have my children, and it's not that big of a deal that I don't have a pretty kitchen. I was just having a moment - we all have 'em right? ;)

Truth is, I could have made it a little prettier through the years. I could have painted and I could have done a few things here and there, but I always felt like it was such a big job to paint ALL those cabinets just for other things to still be yucky.

I know that someday, when the time is right, I'll have my kitchen. My post called, "The Blessings of an Ugly Kitchen" is a post that has the right heart and spirit, and it's truly how I feel. I just thought I'd be real about how I was feeling THAT day. ha!

Thanks for being real back. It was encouraging and even though you didn't feel sympathetic when you wrote it, I thought it was. :) Maybe I deserve to live with a dirt floor kitchen for a while so I can just appreciate my...ugly kitchen. Compared to some places, it's not so ugly.

Love ya.