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29 April 2010

Clumsy sort of day

I don't know what is going on with me.

Yesterday i walked into the edge of a (metal) doorway & scraped my arm.  Happy to say that the moisturizer i use did a good job with it & today it is almost undetectable.  


Today i drove to Long Beach; the drive was just awful.  Lots of tailgating, people cutting me off, then coming to a complete standstill from 70 MPH.  Heart attack city.  I came within inches a couple of times of hitting someone or being hit.  


The migraine was back full force today, too.  


Then we stopped for food before going "up the mountain."  I stepped off a curb & fell, scraping up my feet & knees.  This is more than yesterday's mishap.  I applied the moisturizer, but when i got home i applied myrrh oil too.  Tonight i may utilize the Manuka honey, as well.  


We stopped for gas.  Duane needed something from the driver's side (i was riding passenger) & i whacked myself in the eye on the turn signal.  It was then i decided to continue being a passenger (i usually do the mountain driving).  Duane has let me know, too, that when i go to town tomorrow, i'm welcome to take the Trooper (which finally has current tags) rather than his new Subaru.  !


I've got a lot on my mind, skipping here, there, & everywhere.  

It is cold, now that we're home.  When we crossed the pass from the valley south of us the temp dropped about 8 degrees, down to about 35 F.  I don't think we had snow here at home, but we could see where it had fallen on Sugarloaf & the ridge.  I'm ready for some warmer weather at home!  It doesn't have to be as hot as OC, but lows in the upper 30s & consistent highs in the 60s would be welcome.  


I've had this page - CFS & Fibromyalgia Rating Scale - open for some time now.  I wanted to record it.  Up until three years ago, i've fluxuated between the 60-70-80 rating.  In the past three years, i would say that i've been consistently at 40, but in the past 3+ months i've been running between 20-30-40.  Twenty isn't that common for me, but 40 is not consistent thru the week.  To claim it is to be overly optimistic.  


That site also has an interesting article called "Finding Your Energy Envelope" under the Library section.  I think i would be most likely to "pay" out my energy in coins for a visual.  I think the article presents it as a virtual/visual tool, but, in the beginning at least, i think i need it concrete enough to do it in actuality/reality.  


Part of the reason, i think, i'm having a harder time today is that i had my lovely "high" of passion/love of life yesterday.  I'm so happy that it came naturally for me (as opposed to the past when i would refuse to allow myself to love life unreservedly).  But it does exact a high price from me in energy used, & also, i hesitate to say it, but in internal (or external ?) opposition.  Part of it may just be that it has not been natural for me before & so to balance it i have a day a bit more like today when i'm struggling.  (Yes, i'm feeling very lonely & longing for more human contact, to be encouraged, & feeling sorry for myself or something.)  But it is possible - i'm not big on "spiritual warfare" or devil stuff - but i'm simply saying that it is possible that what i'm experiencing is an attack from "the enemy." 


I don't know, i just know i'm struggling a bit more today with more than being clumsy.  


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7 comments:

David said...

i can hardly drive the freeways, much too crazy! i am sorry for your low energy, will pray for you today

Kathryn said...

Thanks, David.

Hoping it is only temporary. :)

Cindy (Letters From Midlife) said...

I hope the weekend is better for you! I have days like that too and just think, sheesh Cindy, get a grip! I think for me a lot of it is just plain old distraction. I was telling my daughter this morning that I used to be able to multi-task more but these days I have to concentrate on the project at hand and finish it completely before doing something else. I have to concentrate on paying attention more than I used to.

Kathryn said...

Thanks, Cindy. Some of it is concentration, i'm sure. But there must have been a bit of something else, too. Today is better, thanks. :)

Stacey said...

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling, friend. Glad to see from the comments that your weekend is looking better. Hoping for warmer and brighter (in more ways than one) days in your near future!

David said...

hugs to you and much love to you both, have a bright weekend

Kathryn said...

Thanks, Stacey. I'm sure it will improve. Weather is warmer already & the forecast is for this to continue for a while.

David! Thank you so much. I'm glad you had fun Saturday, & thanks for the ride this AM. :)