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03 April 2011

This was a challenging week

But it was a good thing that Sierra came Thursday instead of Wednesday.  Duane came home that afternoon and was able to spend some time with her, too.

I knew that she wants more attention than the boys, but i had not realized how much that would exhaust me.  She needs more limit-setting and that is fatiguing, too.  Someone in her life must respond to her "Oh, please, please, please, please, please, please!" when she is told "no."  But i find it manipulative and that it irritates the - whatever - out of me.  And, although she is not yet 9, i'm getting some of that teenage attitude vibe from her.  

I tend to back away from that nonsense very quickly.  She is not my child!  So i think i'm going to have to explore my intention with this child and where i want to go with this.  That sounds rather pompous.  I don't mean it to be.  The fact is, in another case i would walk away from it.  But i don't think that is the best solution for her.  

I asked sister Elsa (who is a Marriage Family Therapist) and she said that it may be that i need to be more direct.  Not challenging the attitude - which would be my gut response - but the reason behind it. That it may be that she has been disappointed by others in her life and when i say/do certain things it triggers this appearance of an adolescent attitude because she doesn't expect i'll keep my word.  Or something.  It is hard to explain without going into too much detail (and making this far too long).  Elsa reminded me that if Sierra has used certain strategies in her life before and they have worked, that is what she will use in the future.  And that she must be somewhat comfortable with us to be pulling some of this now.  

So, it may be that we will have the opportunity to model different ways of responding that she wouldn't experience otherwise.  Although, again, i hesitate to say that thinking it presumptuous on my part. 

We had a really fun day with Joshua yesterday, and we did a lot.  Duane picked him up about noon.  I'd been cooking with Olivia and was resting.  We had lunch (they had sloppy joes) and then the two of them went off to explore the ravine that is across the street behind neighbors' houses.  The ravine is not private property, but to get to it they had to cross some private property.  

When they came back Joshua and i planted onions (i think they will manage in this chilly weather okay).  We also weeded the raised planter box.  Then Duane made a "Jacob's Ladder" for him.   Images   We let him choose the ribbon to use to hold it together.  Duane used his staple gun, but had to use a hammer sometimes, too.  Joshua helped with some of the hammering.  

Then the adults were tired, so we set a couple of lawn chairs in the yard, about 20 feet apart.  We encouraged him to run back and forth between us (sometimes circling a tree) and giving us high 5s.  We thought that might work off some of his energy.  

Then we took a "walk around the block" (there are no sidewalks here) with a ball.  When we got home we watched some TV, and he was pretty quiet by then.  Duane fell asleep for a while.  We had dinner (they had meatloaf that Olivia made; i didn't force veggies as i have a lot of them hidden in the meatloaf) and more TV.  Then as it was starting to turn to dusk we took him home.  

It sounds like we did a lot, but it really was not a hard day.

So, it was a fun but challenging week.  I'll have to be sure to rest a lot this afternoon and some tomorrow so i can survive this week at work.

Oh, Duane said that his snow shelter in the previous post was technically a Quinzhee.  The construction and intent of this is different from an igloo.  His was built with an outside chamber (that part had been destroyed by the time he took this pic) where he kept his pack and an inside chamber.  He said it was warm ("warm" being a relative term - meaning no matter how cold the temp outside, inside stays right around freezing).  It did fine for him, his problem is his metabolism is such that he feels cold when he first wakes up (even in the house).  So he was glad to get home and take a warm nap!

So, what did you do this weekend?  :)



kare said...

Hi Kathryn!))
Talked to Onyx(Mom)-Rose last night..She warned me to "Cover your plants as there are frost warnings out", She lives in N.Cal.
i told her how upside down it all is here & about your comments on my blog...& she shared Her *Big-Bear* story from childhood. i'll be Posting that On Her site later.

She says she was called a "precocious" child 'Back in the day'..'s good these young ones have You and Hubby in thier lives, we all DO have impact on one another.. yours is a Good one. i've helped me alot:)

Rest Up my friend & keep those toes & onions Warm!>
**Advice from Onyx-Rose**

~ Buzz ~

Linda said...

Kathryn..Are these kiddos your step children? I guess I missed something along the way.

I know it is very tiring to have kids around when you are not used to it. And especially with your health. I pray you can recover and get some rest so you can face the coming week.

That's neat that you garden. I have never grown any thing. (Food I mean) But I always love home grown tomatoes. Yumo!

It is crazy windy here in Kansas today and in the high 80's. But they say storms are coming tonight. We have tornadoes here in Kansas in the I always cringe when they say stormy weather!

Hope you have a lovely day there in Big Bear.


Mali said...

Kids are tiring. Kids who haven't been brought up to respect your way of life are probably even more tiring. It is possible though for kids to learn quickly what is acceptable at home, and what is acceptable at your house. A friend of mine with kids made it very clear that I was to set the rules in my house, and that her kids were to abide by them, regardless of what they did at home.

I also have a niece who somehow made her mother hand feed her for years. Yet when she visited her grandparents, she happily fed herself! Her grandparents were completely unaware of the fact that at home she barely held a fork!

Kathi said...

Too bad we don't live closer. I'd let you borrow my kids anytime! ;-)

~Ron said...

Weekends seem to go by so fast! Here it is Sunday again already. I hope you have a great week ahead :-)