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22 August 2011

Burn out

Interesting that Ron, from The Old Geezer blog, just wrote about "burnout."   The first thing on the list is that frequency of blogging slows down.


I have had plenty on my mind of which to write.  I just haven't wanted to write what i've been thinking. 
I also have been overwhelmed by my reader list.  I have not routinely read the blogs i follow for about a month now.

People blog for different reasons.  I write because i love writing, and also because i have a deep desire to connect with people.  I've been hit and miss with that in blogging.  There are blogs where i try to make that connection, but the writer never seems to respond to me.  If it is a blog where i find the content very interesting, i will continue to read anyway.  Otherwise, in time i take them off my blog list.  

The list of blogs i was regularly reading was very, very long.  I think i had something like 120 blogs i was following.  I have spent today culling the list.  The thing is, i don't want to "lose" any of those.  Some of them have very good info on eating gluten free or on gardening or green living.  But i found the daily list too overwhelming.  

So i went thru the list today.  The blogs i read regularly and interact with the writers stayed on my "daily read" list.  The blogs of people i care about but don't interact with frequently, or the blogs of folks with babies - and i just can't take that daily - or the blogs of info i want access to read but not to show up daily have all been moved to another Google account.  I can access them when i need, but they won't be showing up daily and overwhelming me.

I'm left with a very manageable 56 blogs i follow, but most of these do not post daily.  A couple of them post very infrequently but i'm afraid if i move them to the other account i will miss the times they do post, and i don't want that.  I would guess there are only about six or seven that do daily posts.  Probably about 20 that do two or three posts a week, and the rest are occasional people.  If i read your blog (in the past) and comment, or you read mine and comment, you are in this regular reading list.  

I'm hoping this will help it to be more manageable for me and that i'll be resuming reading blogs.  Except, of course, we are getting ready to leave on a trip on Saturday, so i won't be doing much reading in the 10 days or so after that.  

Part of the reason i've not been writing much is that i am frankly struggling with anger and bitterness.  I am facing limitations that feel onerous to me, and are much more appropriate to a woman of 90 rather than one of 50.  I have to face the fact that we are not going to have children - yes, i know i have been "facing this fact" for a long time, but it too is eating at me.  I don't WANT to write in anger or bitterness.  And so i have not been writing much at all.  

What have i been doing?  Well, a lot of knitting.  Some crochet and other projects.  I have learned to tat (finally).  Tatting is not too hard, but there is one important part of it that takes a bit of practice to master.  I've still been dieting.  Thus far i have dropped 25 pounds (i didn't "lose it" because i certainly do NOT want to "find" it again!).  I'd like to drop another 25, but it will take time.  Still, i'm pleased that i'm getting into size 12 jeans now, but i would ultimately like to be in size 10 or really i'd like size 8.  But i am very, very pleased to be losing as this has been a struggle in the past.  But the dieting has been taking a fair amount of my energy, too.

I've also been looking for a doctor.  It shouldn't be that hard, but i'm finding it to be.  

I also learned more about the disability i'm fighting.  I'll write more on it another time, but i've learned there are many, many people (many thousands) injured by the drug Cipro or others in its class.  I am one of the lucky ones - i can still walk and drive and breathe on my own.  Let me say, if a doctor recommends Cipro or another fluoroquinolone drug to you, DO NOT TAKE IT without doing extensive research.  Doctors are not aware of the damage it does and give it for simple things like a cough or urinary tract infection.  This class of drugs should be reserved for someone who is dying and has no other choice.  The chance of serious harm from it is just too high otherwise.  Some of the people harmed have been young, and they are no longer able to walk and sometimes even breathe without a ventilator.  (One of my reasons for anger, recently.) 

Oh, and of course i've been planning and preparing for our trip.  I think i've been doing quite a lot of other things, too, but these things are what have come to mind.

I hope y'all are well, and i will be trying to visit and catch up with blogs this week.  

I love you all!  Thanks.  :) 



Lucy Mills said...

I know what u mean about the challenges of keeping up with blog reading. I frequently have to clear the backlog in my reader and start again. I know this means I may miss some great posts, but when 'life' happens I get behind.
I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling frustrated. I hope this week is a fulfilling one for you.

Amrita said...

I have also culled my reading list, specially one way traffic - those who never write back - or visit.

Hope you 've not culled me ha- ha!

Congratulations on your weight loss Kath. Keep going its a good goal.

Sad to hear about the heavines of your heart. Its a difficult thing to acept.Very hard.

kare said...

i have Bewilderment issues. So greatfull to be well enough to Blog but my expectations are higher than my abilities, on so many fronts...
The ache of empty arms doesn't seem to diminish even though i am nearing the half century mark =1 yr.
Letting go has seemed to become my lifes occupation.
We're tearing up floors now so our home is a disaster.. my attitude reflects this disaray;<

i hope you have Lovely travels... Ours have consisted of job interviews & trips to Mexico for Dental work, in between our demolition derby;/
As always, You and Hubby are in my prayers<3

Linda said...

Enjoy your trip. I hope you will have energy. I know it must be so hard to want kids and I have prayed for you about this. Also about your health issues.

I get mad that doctors push drugs on absolutely everybody! I am so sensitive and have so many allergies. I just stay out of dr. offices as much as I can, and try to do natural cures whenever possible.

I think I have been given Cipro in the past. But not for quite awhile. Yikes! It sounds bad!

I don't blame you for cutting back on the blogs you can read and keep up with. I have so many, and never get to all of them. But I do enjoy them and try to comment when I can. And I am thankful for those who do read mine and those of you who leave comments.

Life is hard. We all have hurdles and roadblocks and trials. I have been having tummy issues and bloating lately among other things. I just turned 61 though and lots f people my age are worse I am thankful.

We did take our daughter and her hubby and daughter to Branson for 4 days and I felt pretty good there. I am thankful for the days when I do feel good. They are not all that often. I am glad that I have a husband who understands, and helps me whenever he can.

Well girl...I will close. I will say a pray for you tonight.

God bless you!
Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

Anonymous said...

Congrats on losing the weight! I am a size 12 and know at this point that I always will be. My goal is to never get any bigger, but if I stay here, it's just fine. I can't believe you follow that many blogs - wow, that is overwhelming to me. I have very few that are my favorite, but yours is one of them.
I've been moving this summer and now am fixing up my fixer upper - or money pit, as I lovingly call my home! I haven't had much time to visit blogs or post.