My favorite folks ! :)

06 July 2013

A Dress for a Wedding

You wouldn't think that a dress for a wedding that is not mine would be a problem.  I'm not in the wedding party.   Duane is.  I'm not mother or sister or mother-in-law.  The wedding is listed as "formal."

For some reason i think this wedding is stressing me quite a bit.  I have no idea why as i'm really not involved at all.  But within 10 days i had two very vivid dreams about weddings.  In the first, i was trying to help set up for a reception.  I walked in and NOTHING was prepared.  The tables were suppose to be round, set up for groups of 10 or 12.  Instead they were in long lines from some other event - and hadn't been bussed yet.  I spent time trying to get the hotel staff to respond.  I woke up and told Duane - "I can't get our money back, or even find management to complain to because this was a DREAM!!!"  (He said faintly, "Well, i guess you get to complain to me."  Dear man.)

Then a few days later i dreamt that i attended a wedding.  No one i knew was there, although i did expect to see a friend and her family.  I don't remember the full dream now, but it devolved into a horrendous setting, hostages taken and tortured and killed.

I have spent hours and hours and hours looking at different dresses.  If you are interested in my final choices, i have them listed here at Pinterest.  I had one i really liked, but it only came in colors i don't wear (pink) or bridal colors (white/cream).  I probably would not choose, but made sure NOT to look at maroon/plum/claret and gold colors as those are the colors for the bridal party and i did NOT want to look like i was trying to be part of it.  Several i liked but black was the only option.  I think for a "formal" wedding that a print isn't appropriate, tho i really liked a black and white dress.  Most dresses were "too young" or "too prom" or "too old" - i have really struggled.  What is the worst of this all is that i know no one is going to even pay attention to me or what i wear - unless i choose something inappropriate.

I finally landed on this one:

It looked plain enough.  But dressy enough.  I ordered it in a dark green which is a color i wear well.

No real description of this dress except it has a back zipper.

This is what arrived:

It really is not at all what i wanted.  And it is HEAVY.  Double heavy satin for the lining.  Side zip instead of back.  I'm in negotiations with the company (in China) about this, but i'm probably out the $$.  Fortunately it wasn't too expensive.

But in the meantime, i went back to the site of the dress i love, and it now comes in other colors.  Here it is:

I've ordered it in hunter green.  I'm making a lace shrug/bolero to wear with it.  This company has really good reviews from people who have ordered it.  It is made to order, so it should fit better than the one above.

We did not have a very formal wedding.  The bridal party all dressed formal, but it wasn't a requirement (or even suggestion) for our guests.  I honestly didn't really care.  I've gone back to look at pics from our wedding to see what people wore.  They dressed nicely.  I suppose they were a bit casual, but most were dressed well and comfortably.  The only people i made direct choices for were the flower girls.  I found some cute and relatively inexpensive dresses in white and lavender.  I left the choice of what to wear as attendants to my sisters.  They chose tops of white and made their own skirts that were similar to the flower girls.  My mother and MIL asked what they should wear, and i'm afraid my response was rather "I don't care."  I think they both chose long dresses in a light green.

So, honestly, why am i so hopped up on this?  I guess it is being told to dress "formally."  But so many of the dresses that come up in formal wear are very young, obviously for a prom.  In fact, we attended a wedding a few years ago for a very young couple, and all the dresses worn by the bridal party looked far more appropriate for a prom than a wedding.  I am not prom age!  But neither do i want to wear a shapeless "matronly" mother-of-the-bride dress.

I guess i'm freaking about this because i don't think i've ever attended a wedding where the guests were requested to dress formally.  Even the most expensive weddings i've attended didn't request this.  I've looked back at pics of a number of weddings we've gone to.  Most people dress very nicely, but by no stretch could you call it "formal."  I never went to prom.  Or homecoming.  Or any event that would require a formal dress.  I don't want to over-dress and stand out, but neither do i want to be too casual.

It is a stupid thing to be stressed about, but there it is.  I have been.  (I know i won't look like the model in the lace dress i ordered.)

Happy July!



lisa said...

Now that would just down right upset me to no end! You poor thing, I hope the next one is better!

Jules said...

You have lovely taste in dresses! The two you chose (even if the first was not what was pictures) are perfect for a formal wedding, in my opinion. I think it's okay to be stressed out about what to wear. You want to feel pretty and comfortable and be noticed for that, NOT for wearing something "wrong."

Kathi said...

Wow, that green dress looks nothing like the one in the first picture! Although, it is a bit difficult to see the top of the dress. Hopefully you'll be able to get your money back.

I think I would stress a bit too if I had to go to a formal dress wedding. First of all, I don't like spending money on something that I will most likely wear once (unless I'm the one getting married).

Secondly, I can't even remember the last time I've been to a wedding where I had to dress formally. Weddings here seem to be so casual. I would feel so out of place.

Kathryn said...

Thanks so much for your kind words. The response from this company is a post of its own!

Thank you, Lisa. The next one got such good reviews, i think it will be better.

Jules, thank you, how kind. Yes, i think my stress is that i don't want to be over- or under-dressed.

Kathi, even the most formal weeding i've been to didn't request formal wear from the guests, and many of them have been downright casual. I've a strong suspicion (especially after talking to a cousin) that the guests won't be dressed very formally. However, as Duane is going in a tux, i don't want to be too casual.