I don't know if "everything is going my way" or not, but it is a truly glorious day outside. And 52F!!!
When i went out today i checked the plants. Tulips are quite green, but still no go for the flowers. But i did see several smaller plants to the side. One has a bit of red peeping out. It looks like trillium to me. If i have a chance later i'll go get a pic & add it. Since we only bought the house last year & i didn't plant any of these flowers, & i didn't map them last year, they are still kind of a surprise to me.
Saw the chiropractor. (Here in Big Bear. I usually get adjusted by the one i work with down the hill.) The work he did on me did seem to help. I was breathing better & not coughing thru a ton of errands in town. I was doing well, at least until i got home & carried in all the groceries. Think i'm back to where i was before since then. Or, i could be better & should be sitting up! The past few days lying down made me feel better. So, i probably need to get up & try that.
But this chiro thought he might help with our baby quest. Turns out he was talking about tipped uterus, & i didn't test positive for that.
On my way home today it occurred to me that i've spent too much time looking at the past. Since i've not had any additonal pregnancies, i've focused too much on the one i had. And, i need to look to the future. One that i need to accept probably will be childless.
Amrita's blog today mentioned Corrie Ten Boom. She wrote the book "The Hiding Place" about how her family worked to save Jews & Dutch underground folks during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands in WWII.
But early in Corrie's autobiographical book she wrote about the one sweetheart she had & how that one went & married someone else. Also that she knew then that she would not marry even tho she very much wanted to. Instead she lived with her father & older sister & was the best aunt she could be to her nieces & nephews.
Sometimes life does not lead us to where we want it to go, & God doesn't "fix it" for us. There are many people out there now & over the centuries who would have been great parents, but for whatever reason did not become parents. That becomes especially heartbreaking when you hear of (or know first hand) people who don't cherish children, who are abusive either physically or mentally. Life just isn't fair.
So i can sit around & say, "It isn't fair," or i can do my best to lead as rich a life as i'm able. And that's what i'm going to do. Period.
:)
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3 comments:
Right Kathryn, like Corrie I also had my dreams and hopes, but life took another turn and they remained stuck to the pages of the journals I wrote or the prayers i sent heavenwards.
I just had to surrender myself to God 's will. It was not easy...never is, when He directs our lives in a path which pricks our feet.
The fresh green photgraphy is lovely.
My younger sister had given up all hopes of concieving after all sorts of treatment and was thinking of adopting but the Lord blessed her with 2 sons. The second one was a surprise.
Just know you have a lot of prayer and good thoughts sent your way to help buoy you when you are feeling troubled.
BIG OLE CYBER HUG FROM THE RIGHT COAST!
Isn't it crazy? I too have people in my life that take their children for granted... and it makes my struggle a little more bitter. Although right now, it doesn't matter if they take them for granted or not - I'm a little jealous of everyone that has what I don't... but I'm working on it!
I believe God is working in me over the last couple of days - and I am desperately trying to cling on to the hope and peace that only he can provide. I pray that you'll be able to find that as well.
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