My sis arrived last night, but not until about 7 PM. I was so anxious for her to come! I knew she wouldn't arrive "early" but i was hoping for at least 4-5 PM.
I am so, so, so, so very tired. Every muscle aches & i just don't feel like i can keep on going. If this were a normal week, this would be a day that i stay in bed most of the time. I can't this AM because i have responsibilities at church. But i will probably have to lie down for a good part of the afternoon.
But i have only today & tomorrow to get thru. Tuesday we will leave no later than 9.30 AM to go to OC, & they will go with my sis to San Diego.
Interesting . . . i did dream this night. I was in school (i guess HS) & i was in an interesting class with an interesting teacher. But i guess something happened (i don't remember what) & i went home. I went upstairs & my mother was there. (Not my mother as i know her. She looked like an actress from TV, well i don't mean with a lot of make up or anything. Just someone who does not look like my mother but like someone you'd see on a TV show like the Waltons.) Anyway, she saw me & began shaking her head.
"The school called & said you were bad," she said to me.
"No! That is not how it happened."
But she just kept shaking her head & saying, "They said you were bad."
"But you need to hear my side. You can't just judge me on what they said alone."
"Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad."
I took her face in my hands, gently, & said, "You are not listening to me. You need to listen to me. You need to hear my side."
But she just took my persistence & actions as proof that what the school said was true & i was bad. She wouldn't listen to me.
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It actually is my father with whom i am feeling unheard. But i'm to the point right now i don't care. I don't feel anything would be accomplished by more discussion & i am simply too tired to make the effort.
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Funny, funny, funny. I spent all that time & effort trying to have my house "perfect" for my parents' visit. My mother wasn't here 12 hours before she was outside sweeping the decks. And yesterday she did a thorough vacuuming of the house.
I suppose i could be offended, & i tend to lean that way. Not quite the embarrassing white glove test of previous generations, but close enough. However, i'm choosing to believe that my mother simply had to find ways to keep herself busy.
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I'm sure the next couple of days will go quickly.
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2 comments:
I sure hope the days do go by quickly and that you can keep a bit of the stress down. I think your way of looking at your mom's cleaning as a way of keeping busy is smart, it may be just that - let her be - to argue they have to get you to argue back.
Your dreams are quite profound, actually, and I think they are sending you a message that you in your heart know you're a good person and that you don't need "their" approval. I keep sending out happy vibes but I have my cape ready if you need me to take to the skies!
Bless your heart - you are definitely emotionally affected by all of this aren't you? :( I'll be praying for you. Sure wish you felt better physically. That always makes things harder.
Love,
Lynnette
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