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10 March 2013

Living in Reality

Being disabled is a challenge.  I do not want to be pitied (does anyone?), but i would like for some people to understand and care.  It is hard, i know, to give support to friends who are struggling without falling either to disinterest or over-solicitation.  It is also a bit difficult to have an "invisible disability."  I LOOK so normal!  So it is hard for people to see/believe what i tell them on my limitations.

I walk a fine line between being functional and pushing myself over the edge where it can take days to recover.

(This is about autism, but many other disabilities qualify, too.)

I posted somewhere (with friends) this:  "The cause of my fatigue, it is clear to me, is years and years of poisoning my body with poor foods and with fluoride.  I've had so much fluoride in my life, and when i trace back the loss of functioning, it has always followed a fluoride dose in dental work or in fluoride-based meds.  If it were the food alone, i could recover over time.  The fluoride does horrible things, however, and it is likely i've reached a point of no return.  I continue to seek therapies to try and improve . . .  I'm not trying to be negative here, but i have to live within my reality."

A response to this was, "Please try not to think you are past the point of no return.  The mind is very powerful and this type of thinking will inhibit any potential there may be for improvement."

Did you hear me scream?  I understand the person writing this meant the best.  I do believe that the power of the mind is strong.

I am over five years into this now.  Fluoride is a POISON.  Sometimes poisons do damage that the body cannot overcome.  We have spent thousands of dollars on docs, gurus, supplements, and treatments.  I have tried and tried and tried.  I have not given up, but i have to live within my reality. It is also a fine line between living in unreasonable hope and living in a fantasy.

I AM past the point of no return on our hope to have our own children.  There is no arguing with that.  It is a fact.  It is my reality.  There are times when you simply have to accept where life has taken you, that no amount of hope will change.

In a similar manner, i have to accept that i have physical limitations that are not improving.  I've been losing functioning over the past five years, and especially in the past three.  I'm not sure how much longer i can continue to work.  This is my reality.

So where is the line?  At what point am i hurting myself by not having a rosy outlook on my hope for future improvement?  I can say that as i continue to eat healthily (of which i have been deficient in the past), i can hope to see some small improvements.  It is not reasonable to hope that i will have the functioning i did six years ago, however.

I have to live in reality, not some fairyland where the outcome is always rosy.


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