What should i title this?

We've friends coming up for the day tomorrow & we are so excited! Think i'll bake some cookies!

Duane got home last night & i'm so glad!!! I have to say i was surprised at how deeply & intensely i missed him!
______________________________

I am not a particularly patriotic person if your definition of patriotism is blindly following our country's leaders. I didn't like Bush & i don't like Obama nor the direction either was/is taking.

I do love this country, its people, the ideals on which it was founded & the original intent of the founding fathers & the constitution. We have drifted so far from that. I am patriotic to the country as it was intended, not what it has become.

I am NOT a "God Bless America" person. I AM a person who advocates "America Honor God." There is a difference.

Regardless, i hope everyone is able to enjoy our weekend of celebrating the birthday of our country. Happy 4th of July! Happy birthday America! America honor God!

:)






Pics from Duane's camera, last 2 years. BB has one of the best light shows in So Cal.
_________________________

I wrote this part first, but it is long, & rather boring. About my search for a doc & frustration. You can skip it if you want.

Today i was reading the blog By His Grace Alone. She's a lot going on in her life right now, & she spoke of wanting just to be quiet. That was a thought that really resonated with me.

I've not done much the past few days. There is no reason i wasn't writing. I ALWAYS have plenty going on in my head. But somehow the just being quiet has been appropriate.

I'm still struggling with feeling myself lazy, & often i am. Once i've been not doing anything for a while it seems hard to motivate myself to be up doing. And, i'm still discouraged over knowing what i can do.

Think i mentioned this before, but by the time i realize i've pushed myself too hard it is too late. I really wish there was a line somewhere that i would know, "I can go this far but no farther," & it would be clear to me. But that is not how it works. Sometimes i think i'm not pushing myself hard enough, & what??? the next thing i know i've gone too far. It is the balance thing, but i've always had a hard time with balance.

But i AM doing something . . . I left "conventional" medicine as it is practiced by most American M.D.s about 3 years ago. I've worked with a number of alternative practices, but i'm finding "alternative" medicine is a very hit or miss thing. I've had really good results from a couple of things, mostly CranioSacral Therapy (from which i no longer need meds for migraines) & acupuncture (which did improve my energy levels, some). And of course Chiropractic. The Chiropractor i work with (professionally & for my own health) is outstanding. Still, there is no one looking at the big picture here, except me. And sometimes when you are too close to something it is hard to see the big picture.

Finding someone who can manage my unusual outlook is something else entirely. I've had a number of wonderful, caring, Christian M.D.s over the years. But one thing i found almost universal was that the more time they had been in practice the more paternal & condescending they became. I did not appreciate that at all, because as i learn more i believe very strongly that it is important to make responsible decisions based on the info i have & NOT place my care blindly in someone else's hands. Not even the best doctor out there. I believe this to be a universal need & that much of the problem we have with health care these days is that folks want a quick fix & are willing to put total control in someone else's hands. I've come to believe that most M.D.s do not see the big picture, either. They are very limited by the small box of "conventional medicine" of which they have been taught.

Another problem with finding someone is that many of the practitioners, even in alternative medicine, have "specialized" so that they only deal with a small portion or issue. Sis #3 has seen a doc she loves very much & trusts very much as well. And i've looked at her info many times. But she doesn't do "primary care," & she is very expensive.

So i would pay out of pocket something like $600 to see her a couple of times & STILL have to find a doc that does general care. (At this point i've not had a PAP since just after i lost Kaylee. Three & a half years. I'm not big on a lot of screenings, but that is one i should do occasionally.) It would irritate me greatly to spend that amount of money to see this doc my sis loves & then have to pay $150 out of pocket to see some other doc (that i would still have to find) to get that PAP done.

And over the past year or so i've done many online searches trying to find someone with whom i'd feel comfortable. Usually i get discouraged & walk away from it. However, i've been at a plateau of functioning for a long time now, i'm very discouraged, & need something to help facilitate me to improve.

I learned about something called "concierge" doctors. There is actually a TV program on right now about such a doctor, tho i do not believe what the program presents is accurate. Like most TV shows. Anyway, i looked as several different ones. In general, they charge a specific amount of money per month/per quarter/or per year & they treat you for that amount. With some of the docs that amount of money is high, but you then have the option to see them as often as you feel you need to. With others, the fee is lower, but then you do pay an amount for cost of service.

In a way, this replaces insurance & you are contracting directly with the doc. These docs recommend that you still have some insurance in place for emergency situations. The doc in turn promises not to contract with so many people that it is difficult to see him/her or have time to discuss your issue. In general a HMO doc is contracted to cover between 3,000 & 5,000 patients. Is it any wonder it is hard to get an appointment? A concierge doc by contrast usually covers about 500 folks.

There is a doc not far from my ILs who does this kind of medicine, but she is on the high end of the scale. Her fee, for a year, for one person is $1800, but that grants you unlimited contact with her. This doesn't fit well for me. That amount of money actually encourages folks to see her frequently. I don't see docs all that often & would be hard pushed to justify this amount of money.

There is another one in the desert, a drive for me, but i'm willing to drive, occasionally, for good service/advice/care. His site lost me immediately when he began justifying vaccines & stating that flu shots will be available in his office this fall. He obviously still makes a profit from the pharmacia.

But i have located one i think i will like. He is quite a drive, not in San Diego, but in San Diego County. But his site lists supplements often recommended by him, & they are high quality ones, as well. The very fact that a M.D. would recommend supplements is a big deal. He answers his phone directly, or sometimes his daughter. He does not have a big office. He does not double/triple/quadruple book. And his fee is $600/year plus cost for the time actually spent. This works for me well, because beyond seeing him a few times early on to give history, get general screenings, & creating a "game plan" for my care, i don't think i'll be seeing him very often.

By comparison, i figured that when i was on HMO insurance thru Duane's work & that i never used we were paying $3000 per year for my coverage. I do still have insurance that will cover me in case of something emergent, but i don't use it as a rule. It doesn't cover the type of care that i seek.

I've an appointment to see him next week. One of the things he mentioned right off was food allergies. I know many of these doctors focus on that (dear friend Cindy is seeing one that is helping her, but that doc takes insurance - just not the kind i have). I'm hopeful that this can be another step in moving toward higher functioning. :)
_____________________________

Another thing that i've been doing these past few days is looking, again, at all the children in our country that want a home & are in foster care. But, i've many, many thoughts on this & this post is already long. Save it for another time.

137