And some thoughts.
The pics scattered thru out are from Duane's camera in his phone. (He's gotten some good shots with his phone; i didn't think these turned out top quality.) He took them last weekend on his SAR camp out. It is good he went. There were only 5 people for the training, 3 newbies/trainees, the other trainer, and Duane. It would have been hard for them to do the training had Duane not gone. This first pic is the "igloo" snow shelter he made and slept in.
This is my week home and the first week of spring break for our "rent-a-kids." I can't take Kip just anytime because he usually has to take care of the two smaller ones. Saturday the little ones were with their grandma, so i took him to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid. It was pretty good. I also took him on Monday for a while.
He had a school project to build a catapult and he and Duane had fun with that one. Kip found a youtube video where someone made one with a binder clip. His project is limited in size and has to propel a small marshmallow X number of feet (20, i think). Extra points if it goes 50. I happened to have a couple of large binder clips (and a spoon from the dollar store i don't care about) and he and Duane spent a lot of time designing, building, and flying marshmallows. (Yes, i had them. Must have had a recipe that called for them and i then did not make; marshmallows are not something i find tempting.)
The plan was for me to have Kip Monday, rest Tuesday, have Sierra Wednesday, rest Thursday (except to have Olivia come for a couple of hours), have Joshua either Friday or Saturday. Mama knew this and approved it. But when i called last night to confirm, Sierra had the opportunity to snowboard today, so, couldn't i just take Joshua today instead?
Well, no, i can't. The purpose of Friday or Saturday is to have him here when Duane is here too. If i took him (4 year old) by myself, the most i could manage is an hour or two.
But i told her i could probably take Sierra tomorrow (Thursday) instead. It does kind of screw up my schedule, i'll have to have Olivia come a different day. I'm not very good at making changes like this when i have something already planned. I wish i was more flexible, but, i'm not. However, i don't want to prevent Sierra from having fun on more than one day (i guess the person offering to take her can't do it another day) nor do i want to create any friction with Mama.
So, i've another day at home alone. I really did mostly rest yesterday. Today i need to do some laundry and would like to make truffles. Maybe some bread, tho i need to buy yeast if i do. (When i have Sierra, i want to have a "tea party" with sandwiches i can eat. I've not made bread for some time now.)
I've been in quite a lot of pain, tho it is intermittent, for the past few days. This is a weird, unique, severe pain that i've never heard of anyone else having. The story behind this is quite long. The only thing that has made it bearable (and not make me kill myself long ago) is that it is intermittent and usually for only about 10 days of the month. I've kept it in check the past few years mostly thru eating gluten free (yes, that makes a huge difference). However, while i sometimes "cheat" on eating GF, i've not had any for some time now, nothing to justify the amount of pain i am in.
I've been watching the old show The Waltons. I always loved that show. I know it is considered campy, and at times it is. In my mind it is never as campy as anything/everything Michael Landon did or was involved with. (I was not a fan of ML, & having loved The Little House books before i ever saw his show, was quite appalled at what he did to that story.) While there are some story lines in The Waltons that i don't care for as much, one thing that was shining in that program really was the love the family members had for one another. I think, somehow, i believed that if my own family had been big like The Waltons, that somehow there would have been that love too. I now know that to be fallacious thinking.
I did not have the most horrible childhood ever. My parents meant well, i know they did. The abuse was not severe. Somehow, however, our parents were not able to make my sisters or myself feel that we were loved. Instead we felt we were worthless bits of trash. This may be overstating somewhat, but is fairly accurate.
Oh, but i didn't mean to go there! My point in bringing up the show is something different.
I lived in East Tennessee until i was 8, and have vivid memories of the beautiful mountains there, especially in the spring and fall. Also my family visited extended family there (well, central TN & KY) every couple of years for the rest of my time living with my parents. So i know that part of the country is so very lush and green .
I've also lived in California for a long time now. I am quite familiar with the mountains, the trees, and the grasses (which are dry and dead about 10 months of the year). And don't get me wrong, i think the mountains of California very beautiful, too, just in a different way from the Appalachia mountains.
It is amazing to me that they could show the scenery of the mountains at points in The Waltons, particularly in the opening, and think that it could pass for Virginia! The pics around the house might possibly pass, but the mountain scenery which opens each episode could not in any way be mistaken for Virginia.
It was filmed about 100 miles from Big Bear Lake. If you ever watch the show, there are some shots that look like they were done here, particularly one that overlooks a valley.
Are there shows or music that you like in spite of them being considered camp? Do you have memories of certain shows from your childhood?
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I'm intending to write. In fact, if you are interested in some Christmas items, i'm planning a give away in the next few days. I've just been overwhelmed with all the stuff i've to do at home.
So, just some pics. These were a couple of weeks ago.
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Happy New Year on this 2nd day of January! :)
I did take pics of our tree and our new ornaments for this year. But i've not loaded them from our camera yet. I tried, but i think the camera battery needs recharging.
Duane's cold never got much worse and he seems to be back to normal now. He has some residual cough, but not bad. We brought N's daughter, Sierra, over on Thursday. She hadn't been able to come on Christmas day with the rest of them, so we still had her presents here (i'd wanted to send them home for her but her mama wanted us to keep them). She played some games on Playstation, and she and i had a "tea party." I'd even bought some small scones (the leftovers i sent home with her) and made her a small tea sandwich. I bought gluten free waffles for me (which i rarely do these days) and toasted a couple and ate with lemon curd.
Lemon curd is divine! I've never cared much for lemon meringue pie, mostly because i don't much like pie meringue. But lemon curd is just like the pie filling without the crust or meringue. It is so good!
Anyway, we then took Sierra home and picked up Kip. He stayed with us overnight. The plan was for him to help me in the house some (long story, but he "owed" me some money from a school project gone bad and this was his proposal to pay it off). Our house is too fascinating to waste time that way, tho! He did help Duane carry in and stack some wood. He would have liked to stay another night, and that wouldn't have been hard, but we felt that some limits are important. He's a really nice kid.
We haven't taken the youngest, Joshua, out much. He isn't 4 yet. The problem hasn't been behavior or anything. Rather, he still requires a car seat and that has been an issue requiring a lot of planning. He is big enough, however, that we could put him in a booster seat (made for this, of course). They aren't so expensive. We can get one for as little as $20, so we might do that. Then we won't have to struggle with his big car seat and having to time it with his mama (she's been working a lot and she has the car, so she has the car seat, too).
If you think i've been re-using pics a lot, it is true. I've learned that Picsaweb has a limited number of pics you can use before you have to pay for the space. So i've been trying to not load as many pics as i used to. Eventually i'll probably use Picsaweb only for the blog, and load the other pics somewhere else like Photobucket or Flickr.
I've been working on my ideas for the 12 days of Christmas. I've been looking at a lot of "home made" blog or web ideas. Here are the things i've thought of so far: seeds (planter kit?), a calendar of pics of the kids, bookmarks, candy, an ornament, window ornament? - stained glass, dream catcher?, finger puppets for smaller ones, lip balm, homemade lollies?, home made necklaces/bracelets?, hot chocolate mixes, painted tee shirts?, dollar tree toys wrapped like crackers or in crepe, tote bags, apron, fridge magnets
Of course, anything that is baked goods or candy will have to be made much later in the year. Homemade lollies would be good, and they'd keep for a while, but i don't think i could make them earlier than October or November.
I've decided that as there are 12 days of Christmas and 12 months of the year, i'll do one project a month. I'm also going to sent out a letter saying that we are doing Christmas differently this year, and asking for information like their favorite color, their favorite animal, etc. I don't know any of the kids on our list very well.
Have you heard the tale of "the old woman shaking her feather bed" for snow? It isn't very often that i think of that when it is snowing here. Usually it snows with a right good will. However, for a little while today we had big, fluffy flakes coming down in such a lazy way that it was reminiscent of feathers. Made me think of the story. :)
I had a lot more to say (i always do!) but got interrupted with my "flow." Think i'll stop here.
Hope each and every one has had a wonderful holiday season and may God richly bless your coming year.
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I seem to have more energy this week, which is strange. I'm choosing to attribute it all to Manuka honey.
These pics are all from the rain/hail storm we had 1 October. It looked like it had snowed 1/2 an inch, but it melted off quickly. We've had a small amount of rain in the past couple of days, and more in predicted for So Cal, but i don't know if any will make it up here.
This tree is in the Kmart parking log. The pic doesn't do it justice. Beautiful, especially when the sun is shining on it.
On Wednesday i took N's daughter Sierra to the Millcreek Manor Tea House for lunch. She is eight, but a tiny, petite young lady. She got all dressed up and her mama put her hair up in a bun. The ladies at the tea place were quite enchanted with her and her very polite manners. I think she had a good time. She loves to pose and didn't balk at all when i wanted to get a pic of her.
It is actually quite a grey day here, so i'm surprised this came out so well. I've been meaning to take pics of this bush that seems to want to believe it is an oak. The leaves make it look like an oak, anyway. It is about the only color in our yard besides yellow. About a week ago it was still green with a little red at the tips of the leaves. I meant to take "progression" pics, but didn't get around to it.
This is the maple tree in our yard, with the apple tree on the left (behind the burgundy ornamental plum), starting to turn, too. The aspen has already lost all of its leaves, but the cottonwood is only beginning to turn. Last year i took tons of pics of the fall colors, but haven't done much this year.
This is the blanket i've made for my niece Ellen. I've a basket of things ready to send. This, the bibs, a couple of outfits (but 6-9 months because they outgrow the small things so quickly, and i'm sure her friends gave her lots of clothes at the baby shower), a stuffed Tigger and a small knitted hat. The top pic is more accurate for the color. I changed the pattern so the repeat is every six rows instead of four. I think i like it better this way. (The other one, multicolor for someone else, was done the same way.)
She had the baby today. She is at least 3 weeks early. I think it is a bit of a cruel twist of fate as today is the 5 year anniversary of our losing our first baby. Hard to think if we had had them all, we would have 3 little ones between 16 months and 4-1/2 year running around. Anyway, i soon need to get the package in the mail.
I really am doing much better physically. I've done quite a lot this week and had the energy to do it. I took N's youngest, Joshua, to see a movie yesterday PM. I think he had a good time, too. He is only 3, but he was very well-behaved, although i couldn't get him to eat his dinner when we stopped. So i took him home. He was worn out, but i wasn't really. Lovely to have the energy for an afternoon and not need to go to bed when i got home. :)
Duane's off the hill tonight, will get home about 2 AM. He's mentoring a training exercise down the mountain. I'm praying they get home safe, but there isn't ice on the road this time of year, so they should be okay.
Hope you're having a great weekend. Any special plans? Do you have fall color where you are at?
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It was hot in OC this week, tho not as hot as Monday. It was also more humid than normal as moisture was moving in. I was very thankful to be coming home yesterday.
On our way home yesterday, we passed several trees that are turning. We aren't into "full color" yet (and our "full color" is never anything like the East coast). But there are a lot of beautiful yellows and we passed several stunning pictures. When we are coming home, stopping for anything is a challenge. We want to be at Sugarbear!
So i haven't any new pics to share. Plus, blogger or Google or something just informed me i haven't any space to upload any more pictures without buying the space. We will see if this is true. These pics are ones i took last fall. They were on my blog last year, but, that was a year ago! Anyhoo, reproduced pics. :)
It rained last night. I think the squirrels are appreciative of the nuts i put out this AM. They've not been coming around too much recently. I think they are stealing the pinion pine nuts and aren't as interested in my offerings.
We went together to see the doc on Tuesday. A lot was said, but (as brief as i can be) i've got a lot of inflammation in my body (no surprise to me, i've been in a lot of pain especially tactile allodynia), & i show positive for h. pylori bacteria. (This is the bacterial implicated in many if not most stomach ulcers.)
Doc said that this bacteria is implicated in many other conditions including heart failure. I've not found many articles saying that, but there are a few with the heart disease issue. Antibiotics are an option for this. However, he said that antibiotics clear maybe 60% of this, while he's found herbs to clear 80%. Antibiotics are never my choice of course. The down side is that herbals take longer, like 4 months. Of course, some people end up on antibiotic therapy that can last months, too.
He also recommended an herbal that i take for inflammation. It is taken twice a day on an empty stomach with a 16 oz water push, because we want it to move quickly from the stomach to small intestine. He's also recommending an herbal to help with carb cravings. Oh, and Vitamin D, but i already take that. I just need to up my dose (and be sure i do it daily, which is a big issue for me).
So, we are going to follow the instructions for a 3 month trial period. The fact is i've been in more pain the past few days. I'm thankful that it worked out that i've only started one new supplement, because it seems to be causing some issues. It made me realize that starting 4 things all at once would not be a good idea. Also, Cindy (dear friend who also sees this doc) suggested starting small and working up to his recommendations. Too much too soon can create problems as well.
Duane is kind of freaking that i'm not taking the h. pylori herbs yet. He sees heart-failure impending for me! I've told him that a week won't make a difference. H. pylori is contagious, we were informed. Duane needs to be tested, too, to be sure he hasn't got it. If he does, he will probably go with antibiotics to treat. Also, he needs to be treated, for if he has it i'll just get it again. I guess the urgency is there in me, too, for the other night i dreamed that after being tested the docs told Duane he had to come in immediately when they got the test results. The idea was that his infection was dire and urgent. So if i'm dreaming that for him, i guess i'm concerned. We need to get an appointment for him soon. I think it is 3 years since he last had a general check up.
I saw John yesterday and wasted most of my time moaning about the food issues. But it did occur to me, while speaking to him, that change that comes about gradually can be overlooked. (I see this all the time with my clients. "Are you feeling better since i saw you last week?" "Oh no, i'm about the same." "So you still hurt in your shoulder/leg/back/etc.?" Surprised look on their faces. "Ah, no, i haven't had that this week. Humm, i guess i am better.") So John and i discussed charting pain and energy levels for the next few months. Then i can compare, and if i really need a visual, to do a graph. When i mentioned this to Duane, he suggested tracking sleep, too. Which is a good idea.
I don't think i'll do this every day. That would get overwhelming and bring me a huge amount of data. I think if i chart on Tuesday (the day we go down the hill, but also record how active i was over the weekend), Thursday (the day we come home, but also record how busy i was at work and on Thur. which is the day i tend to run a lot of errands), and Saturday (after a day of rest on Friday), that this will give me the info i need to keep track.
I'm still bummed and whinging/whining about food, but i'll adjust and adapt. It just takes a change of mindset. I've already informed Duane that for a week or so at least he is "on his own" for food as i just can't cope. I don't like that, frankly, because he isn't good at eating at proper times or choosing the healthiest food. Until i have down what i'm going to do, however, it is just too overwhelming to try to do meals for both of us.
Y'all have a lovely day. We have the most beautiful weather following the storm last night. The sun is shining with blue, blue, blue skies, a few puffy clouds, 69 F, humidity at 33% (which is high for us), low last night was only 49 (about as high as i've seen it since mid-summer). It is a glorious day. :)
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Mac, making himself comfortable on our unmade bed.
I wrote of our time at the Art Festival & how tired i was. When i laid down, this was my view.
Multi-million dollar houses on the hill across the street from the Festival of the Arts.
Duane sent this to me from his helitac training yesterday. (He is not in this pic.) He enjoyed it a lot & thought it was a fun day. I thought it was a 4 hour training, but it turned out to be 8+ hours.
We bought this mat for the front door today. We think it a fun thing, although i know from sad experience that it won't stay looking this bright & pretty for very long.
The art project i'm doing, in progress. It is the "Around the World" quilting pattern but made with scrapbooking paper. I'll put an image on it when this part is done. I'm being very slow because it needs to fit well. This has a lot of mistakes in it & is very imprecise. I'm finding this is much more of an energy drain for me than simply knitting.
The baby blanket i just finished. The colors aren't quite true in this pic. The lavender around the edges doesn't really match the colors inside, but it was the best i can do. This is the first baby blanket i've made in a while that i actually like. It is going to the daughter of a friend of mine. Her baby girl is due the end of October. I'm pleased with this blanket, although i don't think the border was the best choice.
Mac & Jazz. (They had wanted to sit on the baby blanket as i took a pic of it. I didn't let them.)
This is where i spend most of my time. Today we bought the wire thingy (used 2 of the shelves for something else) & i tried to straighten up my side of the bed. It is usually a mess. I don't really like this look much, but it is neater than it was.
Much of this was the mess where the wire thingy is now. I need to put this junk away!
This is where we store the sheets & the basket on top is for dirty clothes. I had 2 stacking plastic bins here with the summer or winter sheets inside (& the ones being used on top). But i found that they absorbed a plastic smell while stored & had to be washed a couple of times, which seemed a waste to me. After debating our options, we decided to put the sheets on shelves instead.
Yes, the door to our bedroom has windows in it! But it is just the two of us, & when we do have company, our bed can't be seen from outside the door.
Since i spend so much time in bed, & blog from bed, too, this is the view from there. This is fairly late afternoon, with the sun coming in.
We had a couple of really cool days here. The lows were 24F & 26. I think we broke a record on Thursday for the "lowest high" on record. I think the high that day was 61F. But it has warmed back up & the past couple of days have been in the 70s. A few of our trees are beginning to have yellowed leaves. Fall is soon to be here. We'll have winter sheets back on the bed soon. (Duane will be happy.)
Duane just rushed out the door a few minutes ago. SAR had a call-out. A hiker with a broken ankle needs to be brought in. If he actually goes (sometimes he gets to the station & is told that the team isn't needed), he will probably be gone for several hours. The call-out is in a valley at least 40 minutes from here. He does love to be part of the team.
Thank you for all the well-wishes for our anniversary. We had a lovely day.
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It seems i've gone thru phases of having lots to say, but not doing it. Now that i'm doing it, i doubt i have much to say.
Hard to believe i've not written in a week. These pics are just random from my file as i've not taken many pics lately either.
We have done things. We had Nina & her family here to dinner on Friday & i very much enjoyed it.
However, i'm faced with the fact that i'm in more pain, constant but not severe pain, & i can't do as much as i was doing even a couple of months ago. I was listening to a video by Dr. Cheney who has done a lot of research with CFS/CFIDS. I didn't find it very reassuring, but it is good to know there is a physical cause for this & i'm not just creating it in my brain. I don't even know why i'm getting worse as i'm doing all the right things with bad food out, diet of good food, & using supplements.
But i don't WANT to lose any more functioning & i WANT to be able to socialize, so i'm feeling rather desperate. It seems to me that life would be very dark if i couldn't go with Duane to OC any more or if i couldn't work any more. I am NOT Gitz, much as i admire her.
I DID tell my MIL Jeanet about the CFS/CFIDS last week, tho i put it in terms of Diastolic Dysfunction rather than fatigue, because everyone gets tired & so they often don't understand the level of fatigue i'm experiencing. I had to do it because 1. I was afraid she would think me just lazy & 2. I cannot do a weekend like the last one again. She seemed to understand at some level, although she probably still does not. But now if i return to the house & have to lie down right away, we can say, "This is what Kathryn was telling you about her limitations." I also need to stop pushing myself so hard in OC so that i will "look normal."
I also had a conversation with Duane telling him that i have gotten worse & that we need to find something to do about this. He didn't want to hear it, i know, & i feel badly that he has to live with this every day. But i also can't keep pushing even tho i want to. Of course, that brings up some real questions as we have been entertaining more, because i WANT to & i deeply desire to build more relationships with people. Facebook, & blogging & email just don't seem to be doing that. Maybe i'm going about it in the wrong way.
I also don't want to become a constant complainer. I hate to think that i am.
In the past couple of years i've tried a Naturopathic Doctor, a Concierge Doctor, & a Wellness Clinic. Each time $200 or more out of pocket. I've also done acupuncture regularly for a year or more, & i still get CranioSacral regularly (usually once a month). I've kind of been spinning my wheels because there are several alternative or integrative medicine docs or clinics in OC, but just to simply see the doctor to try & figure out if they understand the problems & can address them can be $200-400 out of pocket. I don't mind that if the doc is someone i can work with & who will help, but imagine doing that 10 times trying to find someone! I get overwhelmed just thinking about it & trying to make a decision based on their web-site.
Although, now that i think about it, my beginning to swirl downward seemed to start back when i stopped doing regular acupuncture.
So, i've bit the bullet & made an appointment with a doc a friend of mine sees. Dear friend Cindy has had a lot of success with an integrative medicine group in OC. I had tried one before that just didn't seem to "get it." I may need to return to acupuncture too.
So, i guess i had plenty to say but none of it very pleasant or uplifting. I'd prefer to write happy, funny posts. I think that i'm grieving & trying to accept my life (& childlessness continues to be part of that grief). So, i've not had much to say 'cause i'd prefer not to be so negative. I like to think of myself as a realistic optimist, but i've struggled with the "optimistic" part recently.
There it is. Such as it is.
It is hot in OC. I'm dreading it, but down we go tomorrow. :)
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