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27 July 2013

The Saga, the Drama, the Pain

I did mention that i spent hours and hours choosing the dress i'm to wear to the wedding, right?  I ordered a second dress that will arrive in a few weeks as it is being made to order.  It is a dark green, which goes well with my hair.  I'm knitting a lace shrug to go over it.  The bridal colors are burgundy and gold, and i made my choices specifically to avoid looking like part of the bridal party (tho those are not colors i'd choose voluntarily, anyway).

Oh, i'm still in dispute with the company that sent the first dress.  They weren't doing anything.  I upgraded the dispute to claim at Paypal.  They offered me $16, which is less than 20% of the cost of this dress.  Paypal urged me to take it because i "might not receive anything" when they have researched my claim.  Except the dress sent to me is NOT the dress i ordered and i don't think i should have to settle like this.  If they had offered $60, i probably would have settled.  If Paypal does not settle in my favor they will hear from me and i'll close the Paypal account.  The point of Paypal is to have them protect the consumer.

Yesterday morning i got a call from my SIL.  Wanting to know if i would like to be a bridesmaid.

! ! ! ! !

What could i say?  The truth is that . . . . . . . . . dare i say it?  I'd rather not.  But i can't say that, can i?  She's suppose to send me a link to the dress her maid of honor has chosen.  I haven't received it yet.  I'm anxious all over again.  Choosing dresses for this wedding has been a major source of anxiety for me, i don't know why.  I thought that was all over and behind me.  Sigh.  I can't cancel the dress i've ordered, BTW.  I've spent $280 on dresses i won't be able to wear.

Have i mentioned my wedding dress cost $45 and i spent another $50 on lace and beads i added to it?

I discovered later she'd sent me a TEXT asking this the day before and somehow i'd missed it.

Because i was rather ruffled over this, i didn't tell Duane right away.  When i did, he laughed and laughed and laughed.  Well, we laughed together.  We agreed that this time it isn't our timing that sucks.

Life is a comedy, isn't it?

I sprained my hip last week.  Evidently poisoning by fluoroquinolone drugs messes with your dna and mitochondria and has lifetime possibility for injury.  I was sitting!  I wasn't in pain while sitting, but when i got up later it was bad.  Probably the ligaments in the joint capsule were strained.  It was excruciating for the first 48 hours.  After that i did begin to heal rapidly, tho i stayed home this week and have been careful.

I did go to the ER because the pain was so bad i had to rule out a stress fracture.  I have a pretty high pain tolerance, and the pain was at an 8 constantly (there was no position in which it was comfortable) and jumping to 10 when i moved.  My R leg wouldn't move and i had to grab the front of my jeans to pull it forward.  The X-ray tech was rude.  She wanted me to walk to X-ray and when i told her i was hurting too much for that she said, "We all feel like that every day."  ???  Say what?  SHE was walking!  I was having trouble resting in the position she needed, so she began pushing on my leg to try and make it lie flat!  If i'd been moving better i might have throttled her.  However, this all now gives me some perspective.  It was not broken, and if this happens again, give it 48 hours or so, time to see if i begin recovering, before seeking medical attention.

An ER doesn't know what to do with me anyway.  Someone in that much pain wants meds, usually, whereas i do not.  I did take some cherry juice, ginger, and other anti-inflammatory supplements for this, but never took so much as an ibuprofen.  The doc asked, "So why are you here?"  To which i replied, "To rule out a break."  They also ruled out blood clot.  I find this all so ironic, however, because in the days when i was seeking pain meds (for migraine usually and about once every 18 months, so not frequent) they treated me as if i was malingering and med-seeking.  Sigh.

It is difficult for me to exercise because of the fatigue issue.  But i'm seeing how much of the edge of a knife i walk - it takes almost nothing to incapacite me.  Which means i need to be stretching and doing some exercise if i want to avoid being an elderly person 30 years before my time.

I saw the doc last week (the day before the hip injury) and because i'd been having hip pain she'd written a script for X-ray and bone density test.  She also said we are going to be doing boo-koo (no idea how to spell that) labs to try and see what my actual deficiencies are and what i should be supplementing, and how well my metabolism is working.  Hopefully with this info, we can re-create the positive effects i had in early May.


12 July 2013

The Dress Saga

This isn't really worth a post, but i have been so frustrated.

Duane took the pic from their website and enlarged it and played with contrast and exposure to see if the dress had pleats and i missed it.  The waistline does show a tiny bit of ruffling, but that could be just how the dress was lying.  The dress does not show pleats in waist and bust line no matter how much we played with lightening the picture.  I could not have known about them from the pic or description.  The description did not mention it.  Nor did any of the pics show a train and that was not in the description either.  It DID say that the dress has a back zipper.  The one that arrived has a side zipper.  My contention with the company is the dress that was sent to me is not the one i ordered.

I wrote the company about this the day the dress arrived.  They said, fine, we want to resolve this but we need pictures of the problem.  I sent several, including the ones i'd posted here with added arrows to point out the problems.

I sent them in JPEG and emailed the company early on the 5th of July.  No response.  Late on Monday i sent them the file again and told them if i had not had some response from them within 24 hours, i would open a file with my credit card company (forgetting that i paid with Paypal).  No response.  I opened a dispute on Wednesday.  Paypal - the go between - said that the company denied my request and is asking for pictures.  I sent the pics yet a third time on Thursday.  Then they said they can't open the pics and would i please send them in "IPG format by attachment."  This is not an option that i can comply with.  Photoshop and iPhoto give me about twelve different option but "IPG" is not one.  (I think this is a typo on their part.  Their pics are in JPG.  Duane tells me that is the same as JPEG.)

I'm really lucky this dress arrived as quickly as it did - it was suppose to take up to six weeks to arrive.  Paypal (and Duane informs me the credit card companies too) allow for dispute for 45 days to 8 weeks (depending on the company) after the payment is made.  That means if it arrives on day 46, you're screwed for your money.  You can still file a complaint that will go on the company's record, but you are out the money.

I think they are just trying to drag this out.  I'll take it to the next stage of dispute if i don't have an answer by Tuesday.  Right now Paypal is just sending our messages back and forth, the next stage asks them to step in and make a ruling themselves.

This is starting to feel like my dream of the reception where i kept trying to get help to resolve the reception issues but no one responded.  I hope nothing like the second dream happens.  I didn't go into much detail, but it was a very awful, bloody dream.


08 July 2013

Some thoughts

A friend posted this at Facebook last night.

I don't disagree with it, but i have some reservations about it.  I think life is 75% my choices.  I think that the rest of the percentage is 15% choices other people make and i have no control over, and 10% good or damn bad luck.

Get hit by a car running a red light?  That was not my choice.  Being in a bank when it was being held up?  Again, not my choice.  Growing up in an unloving family?  Not my choice.

It was my choice six years ago to fill a prescription given me by a doctor at the emergency room.  I did not research the drug in advance.  I trusted and i took it.  My life has never been the same since.  I have since learned that i am one of a huge number of people damaged by this drug that is given out so easily, but should not be.  There are whole support groups out there (mostly online, largely due to the limitations created by this drug) of people whose lives have been destroyed.

I don't like my life very much right now.  I have a lot for which i am thankful.  But there are so many things i want to DO - and so many ways i've had to cut back on dreams - all because of the damage that has been done.  I've not sat by idly letting life go by.  I've been on a pursuit to recover from the damage.

But changing my life will be much more than simply making different choice.  Sometimes these quotes are just too simplistic for the reality in which we live.


06 July 2013

A Dress for a Wedding

You wouldn't think that a dress for a wedding that is not mine would be a problem.  I'm not in the wedding party.   Duane is.  I'm not mother or sister or mother-in-law.  The wedding is listed as "formal."

For some reason i think this wedding is stressing me quite a bit.  I have no idea why as i'm really not involved at all.  But within 10 days i had two very vivid dreams about weddings.  In the first, i was trying to help set up for a reception.  I walked in and NOTHING was prepared.  The tables were suppose to be round, set up for groups of 10 or 12.  Instead they were in long lines from some other event - and hadn't been bussed yet.  I spent time trying to get the hotel staff to respond.  I woke up and told Duane - "I can't get our money back, or even find management to complain to because this was a DREAM!!!"  (He said faintly, "Well, i guess you get to complain to me."  Dear man.)

Then a few days later i dreamt that i attended a wedding.  No one i knew was there, although i did expect to see a friend and her family.  I don't remember the full dream now, but it devolved into a horrendous setting, hostages taken and tortured and killed.

I have spent hours and hours and hours looking at different dresses.  If you are interested in my final choices, i have them listed here at Pinterest.  I had one i really liked, but it only came in colors i don't wear (pink) or bridal colors (white/cream).  I probably would not choose, but made sure NOT to look at maroon/plum/claret and gold colors as those are the colors for the bridal party and i did NOT want to look like i was trying to be part of it.  Several i liked but black was the only option.  I think for a "formal" wedding that a print isn't appropriate, tho i really liked a black and white dress.  Most dresses were "too young" or "too prom" or "too old" - i have really struggled.  What is the worst of this all is that i know no one is going to even pay attention to me or what i wear - unless i choose something inappropriate.

I finally landed on this one:

It looked plain enough.  But dressy enough.  I ordered it in a dark green which is a color i wear well.

No real description of this dress except it has a back zipper.

This is what arrived:

It really is not at all what i wanted.  And it is HEAVY.  Double heavy satin for the lining.  Side zip instead of back.  I'm in negotiations with the company (in China) about this, but i'm probably out the $$.  Fortunately it wasn't too expensive.

But in the meantime, i went back to the site of the dress i love, and it now comes in other colors.  Here it is:

I've ordered it in hunter green.  I'm making a lace shrug/bolero to wear with it.  This company has really good reviews from people who have ordered it.  It is made to order, so it should fit better than the one above.

We did not have a very formal wedding.  The bridal party all dressed formal, but it wasn't a requirement (or even suggestion) for our guests.  I honestly didn't really care.  I've gone back to look at pics from our wedding to see what people wore.  They dressed nicely.  I suppose they were a bit casual, but most were dressed well and comfortably.  The only people i made direct choices for were the flower girls.  I found some cute and relatively inexpensive dresses in white and lavender.  I left the choice of what to wear as attendants to my sisters.  They chose tops of white and made their own skirts that were similar to the flower girls.  My mother and MIL asked what they should wear, and i'm afraid my response was rather "I don't care."  I think they both chose long dresses in a light green.

So, honestly, why am i so hopped up on this?  I guess it is being told to dress "formally."  But so many of the dresses that come up in formal wear are very young, obviously for a prom.  In fact, we attended a wedding a few years ago for a very young couple, and all the dresses worn by the bridal party looked far more appropriate for a prom than a wedding.  I am not prom age!  But neither do i want to wear a shapeless "matronly" mother-of-the-bride dress.

I guess i'm freaking about this because i don't think i've ever attended a wedding where the guests were requested to dress formally.  Even the most expensive weddings i've attended didn't request this.  I've looked back at pics of a number of weddings we've gone to.  Most people dress very nicely, but by no stretch could you call it "formal."  I never went to prom.  Or homecoming.  Or any event that would require a formal dress.  I don't want to over-dress and stand out, but neither do i want to be too casual.

It is a stupid thing to be stressed about, but there it is.  I have been.  (I know i won't look like the model in the lace dress i ordered.)

Happy July!


04 July 2013

Promised pics

Last week was a busy, busy week.  Besides the visit from Loren and Zane, i had Olivia and a young local girl here to help.  Then my knit group arrived on Friday.  It was so much fun!

I've long wondered what would happen if i pushed and pushed and pushed myself.  This is what happens:
               1. I start to get sick.  I began developing a cough.  and
               2.  My body "shuts down."  Literally. I HAVE to sleep.

Naps are not a happy or desired thing for me.  I wake up from a nap feeling much worse than before.  I avoid them as much as possible.  When i push myself too hard, tho, my body demands sleep and simply shuts down and i have no choice.  But it is not restful, and i wake much more tired and less able to function.  I'm better off not pushing so hard and not requiring a nap.

So, here is the partially completed deck/sunroom/greenhouse.  This deck faces south and is directly off our kitchen.  Our kitchen is pretty cold in the winter.  The upstairs deck prevents it from getting much sun, so i'm hoping this will not only help us to have a longer growing season, but will help the kitchen to have additional warmth in the winter, too.

The upstairs deck is now enclosed with chicken wire and netting so the cats can go "outside."  It has been like that a couple of months now, and has lost its novelty.  It is just another "room" to them and not all that exciting anymore.

The various different gardens.  I've a lot of strawberries planted this year.  I've raspberries (that really have raspberries on them for the first time; we might get a handful).  I have blackberries and blueberries planted.  The blackberries look healthy, tho one has died, and the blueberries are not doing anything.  I also have potatoes, carrots, spinach, beets, peas, beans, three varieties of squash (buttercup, pumpkin, and zucchini), about 8 different kinds of tomato, broccoli, lettuce, cucumber, and watermelon and another melon i've never tried before.  Also several different herbs as well as peppers that will go in pots in the sunroom as i don't think they will do much outside.  My first year really trying to garden.

I had three cubic yards of topsoil delivered last week.  I worked it a bit.  David (who is building the greenhouse/sunroom) did some.  And Duane has moved a huge amount of it.  I wasn't sure exactly how much i ordered, but was afraid to order too little, because the delivery charge is $25 - and i didn't want to pay it multiple times!  The pic directly above shows the terraces Duane built into the little hill on that side.  A LOT of that 3 cubic yards went into these beds.  I don't have enough to fill them this year, but i'm planning for next!

Most of this was started back in May when i had more energy.  It is a struggle now.  But that is why we are planning to have kitchen help more regularly.  I told Duane that if i only have a bit of energy to use, i'd much rather be gardening than cleaning the kitchen.  It was a struggle with energy, too, that i had most of these plants growing indoors in the "cat-free" room.  At the time it wasn't a problem, but then they have to be carried downstairs and outside, and it was a lot of work as i had a lot of plants.  I think the sunroom will help because i can then carry them directly outside and put them in the wagon to haul around.

I think it is time to go out and garden now.  Happy 4th of July!