My favorite folks ! :)

21 April 2009


Rosemary & Jana have a new challenge over at Opul Gluei. It is on wisdom. I'm not in a place where i can get creative & do a card or material something to represent wisdom. So i went looking for images, first in Google Images, then in my iPhoto (which tells me i have 6,775 images/photos!).

And it made me realize that i haven't really an "image" of what i think wisdom is. Mountains? They're old, staunch, steadfast, unmoving. Does that make them wise?

I have pics of old things, but that doesn't make them wise.

I could post several pics i have of elderly people, but does age alone make them wise? In our culture, society, we are somewhat losing the concept of our elderly being venerable or wise.

I don't know what i imagine as truly wise. I did a Google search. Nothing really caught my attention, except this quote:

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind. You can't change the past but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.

Or fretting about the past, i'd add. Then i went looking to try to credit this quote & wasn't able to find the author. But i did find this, attributed to Buddha:

Anger is like holding onto a red hot coal with the intent to throw it at somebody else. You are the one who gets burned.

That seems to me to be very wise.

I've recently come across a couple of blogs of mamas who have lost pregnancies or babies. And they are very angry. Two state they no longer believe in God.

Now i get that. I really do. I still don't understand why we lost Kaylee. Her heart was still beating when i lost her. Part of me wants a "do over" where we go back & "fix it."

So i can understand the anger, even being angry at God. But i don't honestly understand blaming God. To me that is like holding the coal of which Buddha speaks. It is going to burn me & create even more scars. Where do you go from there? And it is not my belief that God causes all these things. Nor does he "fix it" for us.

When i was a child in Sunday school i was made to read aloud a section out of a quarterly about how "God choose the perfect parents" for me. That God put me into my family on purpose. I read that section with all the sarcasm & contempt an 11 year old could put into the reading. When i was finished i looked at the teacher, & the burning anger in her eyes was overwhelming. Yet she didn't comment. What is more, i am sure that to some degree she knew of the abuse occuring in my family. But it was more important to her that i "ruined" her Sunday school class.

I'm not a believer that God causes these things. I may find i'm wrong someday. But i just don't see it.

Our pastor said Sunday that a number of people see God as Santa Claus.

"Have you been a good girl this year?"

"Yes i have. And i want a Totally Stylin' Tatoos Barbie, & a Power Wheels Barbie Jammin' Jeep, & a Hannah Montana Glitter Studio, & the Harry Potter books, & . . ."

And, if you misread scripture, i guess that is how it can come across. And so losses look like a breach of contract. Broken covenant.

"I'm a good person. I live as a good Christian. We'd be good parents. We'd love & care for our child. Why did God take him/her from us?"

I'm not trying to be critical here. I hurt for all of us going thru loss. I get the hurt, the pain, the anger, the disappointment. But somehow, wisdom sees beyond this.

Someone named Alexandre Dumas said:

All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope.

I don't like that. I don't know if i agree. But it is certainly appropriate for where i am now.

I did a really long post that included the verse: "Because the foolishness of God is wiser . . . "

I don't understand wisdom. The Bible says the beginning of wisdom is fear of the Lord.

Wow. Now i sound like a crank preacher!

Because i have to say something with humor, i liked what Josh Billings said:

Some folks are wise and some otherwise. ;p

Thanks for including this preacher in the meme! :)

(Doesn't anyone want the bibs in the next post?)


1 comment:

Rosemary said...

Kathryn, what are you saying about forgive you for this post? Oh, no no no on several points. First, this came from the heart and it is beautiful (I know, you're saying as you read this - what? Beautiful? Yeah, beautiful because it is real, not sugar-coated, not platitudes and so forth but a real examination of what the concept means to you on so many levels) You are such an intensely thoughtful soul, that is so beautiful about you. You're lovely on the outside but more than that, you have a beautiful soul. You don't just go through the motions of life, you get into the nitty gritty and understand life isn't pretty, kind, or nice all the time. We face crushing disappointments, betrayals, and loss. But how we continue to exist, to soldier on says so much about WHO WE ARE at our core.

Secondly, the Opus-Gluei blog is not a solely arts and crafts thing - I mean, Jana and I both use our crafts as a type of de-stress mechanism but we also have our philosophical moments (as you saw from Jana's portion). Your post is the art you are using for this theme.

Two of the quotes you shared struck me quite deeply - the anger as a hot coal that burns you and the concept of wait and hope.

I'm older than you and have been through fertility issues and I probably couldn't have spoken frankly five years ago about it, but I can now. I wondered why God didn't bless us with kids by natural means. But I didn't hate Him or feel like I was cursed. There are those people who say God answers all prayers, just not necessarily the way we want Him to. I do believe that. I don't tell your or suggest to you how you're supposed to feel on this journey - primarily because I kind of hated it when people did that to me. It was as though all the journeys are alike, THEY ARE NOT. That said, you're handling yours quite admirably.

Anyway, I've probably rambled on more than you'd want to read! I'm such a talker. I just want to say that I am so thankful we happened across one another, that you correspond with me, and that we seem to be able to speak with one another on a level that is quite amazing!

Thank you for a profound contribution to our little ole blog. Big hug (as always) from your East Coast pal!