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11 July 2009

Enough time has passed

In the immediate aftermath of our "vacation" & celebrating my parents' anniversary, i didn't want to fall into the pattern of complaining about the whole thing. But it has been bugging me.

Seems like i must have written on it some, but i'm not finding it. My posts have been full of other complaints.

In a nutshell, both sisters insisted we do the food for the party ourselves, while i was holding out to have it catered. Nothing huge or fancy, but someone else minding the food so we could mind other things & visit with the family. No, no, no, my sissies insisted that we could do it ourselves, & it would cost less. Well, let me say that Duane & i paid for all the food & we could have had it catered for that price. And much, much less stress. Sis #2 in particular insisted she wanted to bake cupcakes, & do this, & do that, etc., etc. I kept telling her that one of her daughters was getting married, another was graduating HS, & that she was planning to move that summer with 5 of her 6 kids (the other one having gotten married). "You will have enough stress going on without adding this in," i kept saying. But no, she kept insisting that this is how she wanted to do it.

Well, you can guess how it turned out. Sis #3 had the foresight to order cakes in advance & say, "If we have cup cakes too, that will be fine." I wish i'd had the foresight to do the same with the catering, but i didn't know that we would end up paying for all the food. The idea had been "we" three girls would share these expenses. So i didn't feel i could insist on catering. I didn't know that we would foot the bill anyway, & if i had had any inkling it would turn out that way i would have been on the phone with caterers.

Sis #2 was to arrive on Thur evening as Duane & i did. However, she was too stressed & didn't arrive until Fri evening - with a lot of drama surrounding the whole thing. So Sis #3 & i spent Friday afternoon setting up the room, we did the decorations, & all the shopping for extras & most of the shopping for groceries. (An aunt was kind enough to do some of the grocery shopping.)

So Sis #2 arrived the night before the party stressed because of this, & this, & that. And i was peeved with her because i could see that was how it would be 4 months before the event.

The other thing that greatly irritated me was that my mother's one wish was that the "whole family" attend church together - their church of course. She stated that wish many times. Duane & i were not so comfortable with it, but my feeling was that this was one thing my mother sincerely wanted & this one time we could honor her wish. And Sis #2 was too stressed to get out of bed & go to church that Sunday morning.

Sis #3 was up at 5.30 AM to begin working for the party that began at 11. I was not up that early, but i had been up most of the night working on a project (a DVD of music & pics to be shown at the party). So Sis #2 showed up to the party (at my parents' church) 15 minutes before the party began. She flitted around & put up some enlargements of pics, & then visited with the family that arrived. While Sis #3 & i had been there since about 9.30 AM making the punch & sweet tea, putting the food in the ovens, making salads, rolls, etc. Some of the aunts & uncles pitched in as well.

Well, it is over & done. But, Duane & i funded a large part of this, & Sis #3 paid for a lot of it as well. While i helped a lot & did what i could, Sis #3 did the lion's share of the physical work. And, while Duane & i are very careful about money, the past 6 months or so have seen improvement in our finances (a year ago they were very, very tight) so that we were able to do what we did without it hurting us. But Sis #3 is single, living in a tiny apartment she can barely afford & struggling to make ends meet while she finishes counselor-training/hours to be a licensed Marriage Family Therapist. Also, her car had died about 3 weeks before this & she was looking at having to replace it. So i told her, if Sis #2 made any effort to assist in the expenses, Sis #3 was to take the money.

It had been bugging me, & i was getting ready to write Sis #2 suggesting she right this inequality. But i talked to Sis #3 first to see if anything had been done. Sis #3 doesn't remember, or states she doesn't. She said her irritation was over the fact that she & i ended up doing all the work. But again, that's water under the bridge that cannot be rectified. Done. We talked a bit & i thought i'd still write Sis #2, until Sis #3 told me that she had paid Sis #2 to borrow her car. !!!!! What the - ?

Sis #3 was going to rent a car but was freaking out over the cost it would be. She learned that Sis #2 had a car she would be able to use, & so Sis #3 offered to pay her some amount of money (less than renting a car) to use that car. Sis #2 told her she didn't have to pay anything, but Sis #3 insisted. So, she not only didn't get reimbursed for any money she spent on the party, she paid to use a car. At that point i said to myself, "Kathryn, you need to walk away from this one."

I find that (revealing my sinfulness here) i was looking forward to taking Sis #2 to task. But it became very clear to me in that conversation that i need to leave this as something between those sisters & not get involved. When it was clear cut: Sis #2 didn't help fund any of the expenses that "we" had for the party, it wasn't so hard. But throw in this other issue, nothing to do with me, & i need to leave it alone. Except to complain about the unfairness of families & how some people can be so inconsiderate. Done. Have now excised all the frustration.

I did a couple's massage (tandem, with another therapist) at a B&B today. This B&B sits right on the water between BB dam & Fawnskin & has the most gorgeous view of the lake & mountains i can imagine. It was a treat to be there, almost so much so that getting paid for the massage was simply a bonus.

For anyone who wonders how i'm able to do massage with my physical limitations, here is my answer: I'm doing what i'm "suppose" to do. I'm doing what God created me to do. I don't work many hours (probably an average of 5 a week) but when i'm working it is literally as if God opens the well springs & for that short period of time i do have energy.

However, i'm very limited about being able to do "out call" massages where i go other places & drag my table & equipment along. Honestly i could do 4 massages in my office with the energy it takes me to do one out call. So i don't do those often. Duane almost always goes along & shlups the equipment for me, but they still wear me out quickly.

But today's work was worth the price. I wish i had a picture of that view. And . . . our 5th wedding anniversary is coming up, so spending a night or two there might really be something special! Then i would get pictures.


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