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06 November 2010

I've a confession

I ate really poorly when we were in OC this week.  Stuff i'd normally never touch.

You see, it is like this:

For several years now i've been eating largely vegetarian (pescatarian literally as i still eat some fish) and gluten free.  Recently i've been leaning toward low carb/no grains, and very limited fruit (tho really struggling to live with that).  Then the doc did a bunch of expensive (out of pocket, not covered by insurance) tests that told me i also should not eat eggs, tomatoes, navy or pinto beans, lettuce, milk, mushrooms, and a few other things.  I look at that list and say, "As a vegetarian, what is left?"

Of course, there are lots of other things left, but they are not things that i would choose to eat, frankly.  I will admit that i really don't like food all that much.  It is, for me, the means to an end:  Not to be hungry.  I will admit i like sweets, but over all, if i'm not hungry, i'm not thinking about food.  I tend to be someone who prefers something fast and quick that will alleviate my hunger, rather than thinking of something "good."  

Simply, I DO NOT LIKE EATING.  Which, i think, is what got me into some of the mess i'm in now.  As a former anorexic (tho never an extreme one), i really messed up my body and my metabolism.  

So, i spent 5 weeks trying to follow the diet that the doc recommended.  However, after five weeks (of averaging probably 800-1,000 calories every day), i was hungry all the time, and had not lost one pound of weight.  It is true that my goal is not primarily to lose weight but to be healthy over all.  However, i hate my weight, would like to lose, and if i saw the scale moving downward, it would have given me some motivation to stay on this (very stupid) diet, even if i'm always hungry.  

I also discovered that even tho i still eat fish, i don't really like it.  I eat it a couple of times a week because i feel i need the protein it provides.  I eat mostly salmon and on occasion tuna.  But since my diet is so limited, i thought i should try other fish as well.  It was in eating it more i find i really don't like it. 

After 5 weeks i was very, very discouraged.  And it made me wonder, just exactly what was the blood test checking?  Almost certainly the milk/dairy they checked was conventional, pasteurized, Holstein (possibly hormone/antibiotic-laden) not raw, Jersey, organic.  The eggs probably came from a mass-produced factory farm where the hens are fed nasty feed and a lot of antibiotics.  Et cetera, et cetera.  So what exactly was i reacting to when those tests were done?  The food itself or the contaminants it contained?

More, now that i'm on a more restricted diet, everything seems to cause gastric distress, gas, and bloating for me.  I make a meal of "allowed foods" such as roast carrots, beets, parsnips, and potatoes, and not only am i still hungry, i'm really suffering for the rest of the night.  The same with squash.  About the only thing i've been able to manage without a lot of distress is frozen, organic peas or corn.  However, i know both of those are very starchy veggies & generally not recommended.

The whole situation is enough to make me want to cry just writing about it. 

Some wise friends suggested i talk to the doc about probiotics, enzymes, and possibly some gastric acids to help me digest what i was eating.  But my appointment isn't with him for a couple of more weeks (my fault i rescheduled for later).  So in the mean time, i had the doc i work with check me.  He does testing differently.  He does a functional test called kinesology.  His test did not show that i'm responding poorly to eggs, etc.  He DID say that he feels my thyroid (primarily) and my adrenals are off and messing with my digestion, and that i need to do a candida-clearing diet.  Which means no beans (green or dried), no peas, no carrots, yams, potatoes or squash,  no sugars, - including the Manuka honey i'm taking to clear the other infection.  

I look at the list of what is left, and simply want to throw my hands up and give up entirely.

Which is exactly what i did this week for Tue, Wed, and Thur.  I ate fast food.  Yep.  The absolute worst i could do.  I didn't care.  I did not over eat, either, but i gained 4 pounds in those 3 days.  You know what?  The fast food did not cause gastric distress.  It did cause my pain level to rise, and that was irritating, but i did not have the bloating, gas, and intestinal pain i've had with organic veggies and roots.  I am NOT saying it was good for me. 

I'm back on track of the restricted diet now, and back to being hungry all the time.  I have no idea what the right choice is.  I do think i have messed up my body's ablility to absorb nutrients.  Yesterday i went to town to a salad bar i like.  It is not organic, but largely i can choose food i'm allowed.  I followed all the dietary restrictions the first doc gave me (no lettuce, tomatoes, eggs, vinegar, vinegar-containing items, etc.).  When i left i could feel that my stomach was full, but frankly i still felt hungry.  Something is simply not right.  

This morning i'm nauseous as well.  And i don't have much motivation to eat as i know that i will likely still feel hungry and have gastric distress.  I'm tempted, right now, to do a few days of fasting and simply use supplements to try to get the nutrients i need, as eating doesn't seem

I'm pretty discouraged.

Not much for my 400th post.  Sigh. 



That corgi :) said...

well congrats on 400 posts!! Poor you! I have absolutely no advice on what to eat or not to eat since your doctor(s) would know best, but it seems to me if you aren't getting protein or enough protein that could make you feel hungry all the time, but that's just me and my body as if I get enough protein, I don't feel as hungry, if that makes sense!

I can see your frustration! I'm hoping in a few weeks when you get to see the doctor, he'll be supporting of starting probiotics or whatnot to help get things under somewhat of a reasonable control!

good luck!


donna said...

I'm so frustrated with life these included that I've been considering giving it up completely. I'm so tired of battling with all the issues surrounding food...what's the use. Can man live on water alone?

Kathryn said...

Thank you, Betty. I'm trying not to do "oh, poor me" too much with the food, but there are days!

I'm right there with you Donna. I'd be very happy if i could survive on water alone. And too, i am tired of battling the food issues. (Although i'm rather aware that i battle them because i've not managed food very well in the past.)

Thanks for stopping by. Hope the weekend got better for you.