Chicken or the egg?

I've been rather discouraged this week.  Tired.  Not felt like "fighting."  

As is a common thing for me when i feel this way, i've not been eating very well.  Usually when we're in OC, i eat really good stuff:  Organic meals at Mother's (health food store); salads; organic, vegetarian, gluten-free pizza.  Usually.


This week i ate junk.  And i felt like junk.  I was overly emotional & cranky.  By Thursday when we were to drive home i was utterly exhausted.  Thursdays i'm usually very tired, but this was beyond that.  


I doubt i've ever felt quite as much connection to what i'm eating & how i'm feeling.  It was good, actually, because i often feel that what i'm doing makes no difference.  I often feel too, that i couldn't be "worse" in functioning.  This made it clear that what i'm doing DOES make a difference, & that my functioning, poor as it is, could be worse.  


So, was i tired, cranky, & unable to "deal" because i was eating poorly, or did i eat poorly because i was tired, cranky, & unable to "deal"?
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I was suppose to do massage as fund raising at our church's rummage sale this weekend.  I did it last year.  


We went early Friday AM to drop off our donations of extraneous clothes, appliances, etc.  I told them i'd be back around 10 to do the massage.  I rushed home, walked Rebecca through what i needed her to do, packed up all the supplies i would need, made a sign, loaded it all in the car, & went to the church.  Rebecca was worried about me, for she could see how tired i was already at 9.30 AM.  I didn't worry too much, tho i was very tired, because i knew doing massage would make me feel a bit better.


I arrived at the church & the lady in charge said, "Stop!  Don't unload!"  She told me that the pastor had checked their insurance & it wouldn't cover me working & so i couldn't do it.  (They didn't do this last year?)


Ok, fine, except i have my own insurance that covers that.  They are far more likely to be sued for someone tripping on the cracks in the pavement than for the things i do (the incidence of a massage therapist getting sued is something like 1 in 200,000).  If i had been called to discuss this, we could have worked it out.  Even if they didn't want me to do it, did they have to wait until i was there ready to work to be told not to do it?  


In short, i was pretty angry.  I tend to get very cold & silent when i'm angry.  I have a hard time having an appropriate response at the appropriate time.  The pastor was there & spoke with me briefly a couple of times, but said not one word to me on this.  


I do have compassion for the lady running this.  She is elderly, & has been in charge of this for many years now.  She doesn't want to be, but there has been no one to step into this place.  She gets stressed & i'm sure it would be easy to overlook something like this.  But frankly, i feel disrespected.  


I've written extensively about this church thing at my other blog, if you are interested in that.  (I'm still writing that post, but it should be up soon.)


We had several people ask where the "masseuse" was & if she would be here this year.  We explained that i wouldn't be allowed to do it do to insurance issues.  People understood that, but were disappointed.  We did talk of me doing it just for the church folks in the office, but i said the pastor would have to be asked.  I didn't say but my intent was "If YOU want it, then YOU ask.  I've no intention of discussing this with him."


Boy, i sound cranky today!  But something good came out of this!


There is a program called "The Seven Summits of Big Bear."  There is a young man, resident of Big Bear, who has just completed climbing the seven highest peaks in the world (Everest).  A couple of years ago someone came up with the idea of climbing seven of the summits around Big Bear.  I think last year was the first year they did this.  


Today is the first of the 7 Summits. 


Duane felt committed to helping with this rummage sale.  We have helped for the past 3 years.  Frankly, the men don't do much but sit around & talk, unless someone needs something loaded on a truck.  Duane is not like that.  He walks around & talks to folks & is friendly.  He helps wherever needed without being asked (or searched for!)  


I'd encouraged him to do the 7 Summits anyway, but he was going to do the rummage sale.  Except after yesterday he lost any enthusiasm for it.  So he left early this AM to do the Bertha Peak.  I'm glad he is going to do this.  He will probably return around noon, or even earlier, if he still wants to go to the church sale.



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