My favorite folks ! :)

28 July 2014


i know i need to get over this, but i don't really know how.  People post things like this at Facebook all the time.  

I look at your kids and wonder, "Where the heck is mine?"  

Family was up over 4th of July (not at our house, Duane's uncle's place).  I went over to hang out.  Hilary is a year older than our Kaylee would be, and Lincoln is 2 months older (his parents were married the week after we were).  It is getting harder to be with them as time goes by.  I wonder what she would be like.  I don't fit in with any of the mamas.  

The above pic to me is simply bragging.  I don't have as much a hard time with pics of the kids and news of their accomplishments as i do with these canned things.  ("If your daughter/son/husband/sister/brother/cousin/mother/father etc. is the best thing in your life, repost this.")  I've told Duane he won't see me reposting these things for i know too many people who want to be just where i am - in a healthy relationship with someone who loves them.  I won't brag about that.

I will sometimes be thankful for him.  I think it is different.  I could be wrong.  But again, it isn't pics of the kids and stories about their lives that makes me feel a little nuts.  It is these bragging reposts that someone else created that sometimes make it hard for me to not scream.

Friday is the EEG (sleep deprived).  I've not gotten a letter from DMV taking my license yet.  I'm very careful and limited when i drive.  I won't drive if i feel unwell, or haven't had enough water or outside a 10 mile radius.  It is kind of limiting, but i'd much rather be safe than sorry. 



lisa said...

I am sorry, and no can ever know what you go through except another person who is in your shoes. My cousin is one of them and she just embraces her nephews, nieces and other family and loves them like they are hers! It is not easy and of course I have no idea how hard it is but just remember that life is the most important thing that needs to be embraced, including yours! Life is so short, please embrace it and enjoy what truly does make you, YOU!

Mali said...

I am very late to this, but I wanted to say I understand. Like you I don't like these bragging memes. Because that's what they are. And yet, because of our situations, I think we are more attuned to loss in other people too. We're aware that others look at our relationships with envy, or our houses, or where we live, or our vacations. And so I don't post memes that say:

"Have you ever been somewhere exotic and felt such wonder and love and gratitude for being there that it brought tears to your eyes? I have and it is amazing."

If I did that I'd be an insensitive idiot. But for some reason it's acceptable when it comes to kids and other relationships.

And being told by someone else to remember that life needs to be embraced (when I know you do)is condescending and unhelpful and, actually, pretty ignorant and dismissive. Sigh.