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16 February 2009

Best Laid Plans

Well, so much for compromise. I've not had but one Wednesday client (& she's been once a month) for months now. No one. Even when people have scheduled they cancel for Wednesday. BUT, of course, i'm scheduled for one now. Eleven AM for half an hr. I'm miffed! Don't know, might check & see if i can reschedule her.

Two weeks ago i picked up a free book from a book counter. It is titled: For Better Or for Best, Understanding Your Husband. I actually got it 'cause it was free & planned to use it for a craft project. But then i saw it was by Gary Smalley, who i had read years ago. So i decided to read it.

It is a good book. Largely i felt rather smug 'cause the things he is describing are not generally problems for Duane & me. But in reading it i thought that there are times that i take him for granted. And that even tho our marriage is good, there are things we can do to make it better. There is a companion book to this one called, If Only He Knew. It is for the husbands to read.

I also came across a blog site that is talking about the 8 mistakes they made in their marriage, (& to avoid them, of course). I sent that to Duane. Again, it is not that i think we have most of these problems, but an attempt to make what is good, even better.

I thought i had asked Duane if he would be willing to read the blog & the book. I thought he said ok. So yesterday we were at Barnes & Noble & i got the companion book. I said, "This is the companion book to the one i have been reading. It is the book for the husbands to read. Is that ok?" "Yeah, yeah, sure, ok."

So i put it on his side of the bed last night & he tried to give it to me. "???"

He said, "You want me to read it?"

I'm like, "Well, yeah. I thought you said you would."

He said, "I said that? I don't remember saying that? When did i say that, in my sleep? I thought you just liked the other one & so you wanted to read this too."

"Hellllllooooooo, the companion book for the husbands to read???!!!!"

"Oh." He said. So we got to giggling about the miscommunication we had about reading a marriage book on communication.

That is why i think our marriage is in pretty good shape over all. Things like this make us giggle. According to Gary Smalley, many of the couples he counsels would start fighting about it, the wife saying, "You never listen to me! You don't care about me or our marriage at all!" We, we just giggle.

So Duane started reading it (after good humoredly complaining & grouching about it) & was amused that Gary says that men think things thru logically & can decide quickly, while women take a long time to adjust to change. (Duane, Saturday night, "So we go down Sunday?" Kathryn, Sunday morning, "Ok, yes we'll do it but i don't LIKE it!")

I, on the other hand, was amused 'cause Gary says you have to tell guys over & over & over before they "get it."
Kathryn: "I think these books & website can help make our good marriage better."
"I don't think we have most of these problems, but i think they can help us understand each other better."
"We really don't have these problems, but we might be able to learn something from the books/website."
"We have a great marriage, but maybe this will help make it even greater."
"I feel pretty smug reading these books 'cause we don't have most of these problems."

Duane (this AM), "Ah, we're not reading these books 'cause we have a problem, are we? Is there something i'm missing here?"

Ah, yes, we have a good marriage, but there are still communication issues between the genders!!!


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