Saturday

We got a good bit of snow yesterday, for March, anyway.  I think the official storm total was up to 12 inches, but here i think we had 6 to 8.  It is a bit hard to tell as the wind blew hard and we've drifts.  The day wasn't too cold yesterday, and the roads cleared nicely after being plowed.

Duane is off helping with the "Polar Plunge" which is to raise money for the Special Olympics.  (He won't be in the lake.)  The temp outside right now is 29F, and the water temp is 37.  Cold!

512

So, i've not had my quiet week at home.

I didn't get done the things i planned.  I've been pretty exhausted.  It does make me very aware that if something happened and we both were disabled we'd be in real trouble.  I wouldn't be able to do a lot.  I've been totally worn out from driving and trying to keep up.  I guess i'm buying trouble that isn't there, but it did make me very aware of how things could be.   I worked very, very hard to prevent them from using a fluoroquinolone antibiotic.  Not that they suggested one, but i wasn't about to let them give it.

He made different choices than i would have.  I wouldn't do antibiotics at all.  But then, i probably would have opened it myself and used Manuka honey long ago.  That is okay.  I support his decisions. He's on the mend.

The first Nurse Practitioner, Melissa, impressed both of us.  She was concerned that if it got any worse, Duane was looking at a hospital stay.  The second NP, Joyce, did not impress either of us that much.  She was not near as cautious with sterile protocol.  We'd also commented to Melissa at our surprise that she didn't wash her hands before putting on her gloves.  She told us that OSHA wanted them to wash outside the room, it was weird, etc.  We had quite a discussion.

So then, yesterday, Joyce washed her hands in the room and so we again expressed surprise.  When we told her that our understanding was that OSHA had changed regulation she said, "You've been watching too much TV."

I was very disappointed in her.  The nurse on Monday told me she thought we'd like Joyce a lot because she is even more open to natural health than Melissa.  That comment about watching TV was uncalled for, and demeaning.






511

What a week!

Last Tuesday we got up to prepare to go down the hill.  Mac cat climbed in the sink and wet.  The few drops were pink/red.  We delayed leaving to get him to the vet.  He had to be boarded while we were gone.

That morning, Duane also brought to my attention a small swelling he had under his jaw.  He said it had been there for a week or so, but didn't bother him until that morning.  I went into full attack mode.  I didn't think it was a tooth abscess or he would have been in more pain.  Still, i had him do oil pulling and a lot of other immune-boosting things.  Lots of pills (supplements) that he didn't appreciate.  I also did lymph drainage as he brought to my attention it could be a lymph node.

Thursday was Duane's mama's 70th birthday.  The family had a big surprise birthday party planned the next day, but she didn't know that.

Thursday we picked Mac up from the vet.  He smelled horrendous, and that evening we ended up giving him a bath.  He was so good!  We expected a circus, but it went well.  (We ended up giving Jazz a slight bath the next day - mostly head and neck.  Mac kept attacking him, we think because they smelled differently.  Using the same shampoo made Jazz smell the same and Mac calmed down.)

The swelling on Duane's jaw was not getting better.  Nothing seemed to help.

Friday we did go to that big party - 2 hours away.  We weren't sure we would be able to make it because of Duane's work commitments, but we did.  We couldn't stay long because Duane had a Search and Rescue event he had to attend the next morning very early.  I was glad that we couldn't stay too long.  Lots of people like that tire me a lot.  Seven of Duane's mama's siblings were there, and most of them had their spouses, too.  And some cousins were there.  I would like to visit with all of them - but not at a huge party.

The swelling on Duane's jaw was more pronounced, but most folks didn't notice it.

We got home.  Duane was up at 5.30 the next morning for his event.  He got home just after noon.  He was not well.  He was lethargic and rather moody.  He didn't have a fever then, but he did that night.  I did more lymph, but it was not helping.  On Sunday he was the same.  No fever during the day but fever at night.  I could also see that the swelling was near to the point of leaking/suppuration.  I told Duane that he HAD to call in sick for the week and we HAD to get him to a clinic.  (I already had planned to stay home for the week.)

The problem is that Duane's work had cancelled his insurance and not offered COBRA and we hadn't done something in the mean time.  He was very worried about money.  There was also the problem of where to go.  I've been to Urgent Care here in Big Bear a couple of times.  The folks there are clueless. I mean, they do not know how to run a clinic and are very incompetent in their attempts.  I only know of one other doc in town, i'm not very impressed with him either.

So we tried the Rural Health Clinic.  He saw a nurse practitioner.  I was as impressed as i can be with conventional medicine, even tho we were there for hours.  He had a large abscess that they lanced and then packed.  We've been in every day for them to check it and re-dress it.  He was feeling better by Monday morning before we went in, and thought he might be able to wait, but i'm so thankful we did not.  The Nurse Practitioner said if he'd delayed much longer, he was looking at a hospital stay; she said he might need one anyway.

But he's on the mend now.  Today should be his last dressing check, at least for this week.  They might want to do a follow up next week.




510 

Blogs!

It was my intent to write short posts!  The past two were quite long.  I don't know how to say what i'm feeling in fewer words, i guess.

I have a huge number of blogs in my blog reader.  However, it seems that i keep getting the same ones over and over.  So i started looking at some of them.  Evidently many of the writers have given up on them.  There are several that haven't had a new post in a year, two years, or even more.

So i thought i'd go "clean up" my blog list.  Except, for some reason it isn't giving me the option to "Mangage the Blogs i Read."  That has always been how i managed this before, but today the option isn't there.  So i guess it has to wait.  I went into "Google Reader" to see if it had the option.  This is how Duane looks at the blogs he reads, but i've never used it.

It does not give me the option to clear/manage the blogs, but it is showing up a lot of posts that Blogger wasn't giving me.  Some really excellent ones.  Part of the reason i wanted to clean/manage my reader list is that i'm not being given a lot of reading material currently.  I wanted to remove things where the writer isn't posting any more, and add ones that i would read.

I discovered that some of these blogs are posting, but for some reason, they are not showing up on my Blogger "Blogs that i follow" section.  I found one in particular, Childless by Marriage, that i really like.  She says so many of the things i think but haven't recorded.  This post particularly.  I LOVE babies.  I always have.  Right now, tho, all those baby and family pics on Facebook are breaking my heart.

I'm definitely going to have to explore my blog reading list more thoroughly.  I hope eventually it will let me edit the list.

Speaking of FB, i think that is part of the reason blogs have faded a bit.  A lot of people have gone to other social media forms.  I do connect and keep in touch with a lot of people via FB.  However, i never feel that i really connect at a deep level at FB.  It tends to be very superficial.  Most of the time when i find old friends, i will write a short letter asking about what has happened in their lives since we last connected.  Most of the time those letters go unanswered.  It takes too long to respond, i guess.


509

Frustration

My Mother-in-Law considers me very strange.

She thinks i'm weird in the way i eat.  She hears me when i tell her about my limitations but i think she doesn't quite believe me.  She doesn't SEE those limitations, so they aren't real to her.  She thinks it is odd that i love my cats.  She finds it very, very hard to believe that we are not going to adopt.  She finds it strange that we like our current lifestyle.  (She thinks Duane could and therefore should be making much more money than he does.)

She is pushing us hard on adoption right now.  When she heard that Duane's company is struggling, her response was, "Well, if he loses that job, you can both get jobs in Big Bear so you don't come down here.  That will free you to adopt."

She really doesn't know what she is wishing on us with this idea.  The frank fact is that Duane likely could not get a job in Big Bear, and most full time jobs would require him to work on premises - away from home and off the mountain.  A higher paying job generally means more hours and much more stress.  He would have to give up doing Search and Rescue, a major part of his life.  We would have to be apart for most of the week, as i couldn't be away from home for five days.  The 2 days we are away now push me to the limit.  Big Bear really doesn't have the opportunity for me to work in the same way that i do in Orange County.

She has asked me more than once, "If you adopted a child that was allergic to the cats, would you get rid of the cats?"  This question is a nonsensical one.  It has no meaning.  We are not planning to adopt.  If we did, we would choose a child that wants to be around animals.  (I've spent hours looking online, there are children who love animals.  Even so, we are not able to do this currently.)  Both the statement about Duane's job and the question about adoption indicate a real failure to understand our lives.  And, to a degree i think she doesn't value the choices we've made.

Which is fine.  Duane and i value our choices and our lives, so that is enough.

I've known for a while that she doesn't value our way of looking at food.  It rather drives me nuts that she is a fairly wealthy woman and chooses to buy/make "cheap" and quick "food."  Duane tells that this is because she had to be frugal for so long when his dad was alive but ill and she had to support the family.  She wasn't able to cook healthy, it had to be quick and cheap.

I understand that, i truly do.  I've been there myself.  We do the best that we can.  At the time, with finances and lack of understanding of nutrition, i've eaten some truly appalling things.  All i cared about was not being hungry.  That took its toll on me, however, and was part of the process to land me where i'm at.  Now that i know more, i want to nourish my body and help it to heal, and hopefully eventually, thrive.

(Picture by HealthBanquet - a wonderful health website)

Duane's mama now has the means to buy anything she wants.  She could choose truly healthy food.  I don't think she values good quality food, however, or knows any difference between cheap and quick and truly healthy.  She chooses to buy the cheapest cuts of meat and eggs and milk from CAFOs (concentrated animal feeding operations - i tend to call it "confined" rather than concentrated).  This means that the animals are treated in horrible ways and confined cruelly, and fed unspeakable things.  The results of all of this are not only cruel and inhumane conditions for the animals, but the results are not good for the people who eat them, either.  Animals are fed a lot of grain, but that is not their natural food.  It makes them grow fast (and many of us feel quite a connection to the human obesity problem where grains are recommended as a large part of human diet), but they are not healthy.  A lot of antibiotics and chemicals are used to keep the animals living until time to slaughter them.  This also stresses them.  It just is bad, all the way around.  Eggs coming from hens in confined conditions are not as nutritious as those who are allowed to forage.  I could go on and on, but the bottom line is Duane's mama and i have very, very different ways of looking at food.  She sees it as "taste good and is cheap" whereas i see it as "let's nourish and heal the body."

Okay, so we disagree.  I've largely set it up so that she isn't tempted to cook for me.  I feel badly about this, honestly, because i think cooking for others is a way she shows she cares.  I think she does care for me, but not so much as to change the way she looks at food.  I think it is okay for me to eat her food, on a rare occasion.  Sometimes having "bad/not as good/poison" food isn't going to kill me.  But i can't do it regularly twice a week or more.  I tried saying to her "Since i can't do the cooking, let me purchase the ingredients.  That is more fair, we're helping to pay for the food we eat."  She won't have it.  I buy ingredients (even meat, grass-fed), and she won't touch them.  Sigh.

However, she has never said a whole lot about the choices i make.  She makes comments here and there, and largely i ignore them.

This week, however, was different.  Duane's aunt and uncle are visiting.  They have extremely unhealthy diets.  His uncle drinks diet soda all day long.  He told me that his body doesn't tolerate water.  ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !  These days i consider regular and diet sodas equally unhealthy, but for different reasons.  That diet stuff has so many chemicals in it.  Duane and i both agree that when your body doesn't tolerate water, something is terribly, terribly wrong.  We think that the healthy response to this is, "Wow.  My body is badly out of balance.  What can i do to help my body be healthier?"  NOT,  "So water is out, load up on the soda!"

Anyway, none of this really effects us, except we were very careful not to comment.  I didn't make one comment.  Not about the soda.  Not about the bread.  Not about the HFCS-sweetened baked beans, or any of the other processed-food shortcuts.  Not about the wheat-based anything.  I didn't give my opinion about the "food-like" but nutritionally poor things they were eating.

Duane's mama was not so careful, however.  She began quietly ridiculing our choices.  They were out Tuesday night (another story altogether, as it was about the only night we had to visit), but she told me there was soup on the stove Duane could have.  When i checked it, though, it was loaded with a wheat-based pasta.  Duane has been eating gluten-free for over a year now.  She said there was also ham (CAFO) in the fridge as well as some other items.  Duane opted for some things i'd bought that day instead.  I did not direct him, he chose it.

When she came home, she was astonished that Duane wouldn't eat the soup.  "He couldn't eat it, it had pasta in it," i told her.

She told me, in her most sarcastic tone of voice, "Well, he could have picked that out."

"No, he couldn't.  When it is cooked in the soup, the gluten mixes all the way thru."  She was irritated about this and that he chose not to have ham either.

Poor Duane was sorely tempted this week.  She made "apple cuts" - one of his favorites.  It is like a double-crusted apple pie, but heavy on the crust (gluten) and made in a flat pan.  In this way it is almost more like a strudel or pastry than pie.  She was amazed, and again a bit sarcastic, when he refused them.

I think having folks around who eat the way Duane's parents eat made her more vocal about her criticisms of our choices.  However, and this will sound as if i'm being terribly critical, not one of the four (parents or aunt and uncle) are in a state that we would like to emulate.    Both the men have the very unhealthy extended gut.  Both the women are overweight as well, and each of them have had issues that require medical attention.

Every one of them has more energy than do i, however.  In that way, each of them can claim better health than i.  Sigh.

On the other hand, they are all about twenty years older than i.  If i ate like they do, twenty years from now, IF i was still alive, i would be very, very sick.  I know this without a doubt.  I'm hoping that instead, i will be much healthier then than i am now.  That is my reasoning for my choices.

Still, im a bit disappointed that Duane's mama was so critical.  I know she doesn't really understand, but i don't like her criticism.




508    

Controversial

I am pretty committed to not utilizing any current conventional medicine, with the exception of emergency for broken bones, car accidents, etc.


(FDA Approval means nothing to me.  They lie and are paid for by the folks with big money.  They no longer put the interests/ safety of the population first.)



If we'd had children, they would not get vaccines or see docs; i would not use any kind of drugs for them including OTC  Tylenol.  We do not use those things for ourselves, either.  Trusting the "wisdom" of conventional medicine has destroyed my life.

The more i learn about it, the more i see how it is politically and financially driven.  I saw it first hand when i worked hospitals for over 10 years.  I saw the drug studies being done and what was called patient care.  I also had hospitalizations and the number of mistakes made was enormous.  There is very little medical care that is for the benefit of the patient.  What passes for patient care and safety these days is bought and paid for by the food companies and the pharmaceutical corporations.  The FDA cannot be trusted whatsoever.

Most people would disagree with me of course.  I'm not saying that (all) doctors are evil.  I'm saying that they do not have the full picture and are not encouraged in critical-thinking skills and that their educations are very limited.  Not all doctors fall into these categories, of course, but a great many do, even the ones who seem so very caring and compassionate.  I'm not running down the nursing staff either.  They work very hard and have very difficult jobs.  The problem is that many of the illnesses in their patients are self-created and the very hard jobs of the doctors and nurses are largely because they have to follow a Standard Operating Procedure that does not actually help their patients.  As long as current procedures are SOP, the care-givers will not be able to think outside the box and truly heal.  When natural medicine is used for treatment, but more, for prevention, then things will change.

I searched for a long time to find a doc i could work with.  As i'm on disability, i have to have someone recording for me.  I'm reasonably comfortable with the one i've chosen.  Her name is Connealy.  She isn't warm and fuzzy (and this pic is either 20 years old, or it has been retouched extensively).  But i can handle her and she doesn't freak out over my choices.  When i told her that i chose not to have my foot casted when i broke it, she simply shrugged.

I'm pretty sure i had a basic skin cancer recently.  It was on my upper lip.  It started out simply as chapped skin that wouldn't heal, beginning last fall but getting worse about Christmas.  Eventually it looked like a cold sore.  But i've never had a cold sore in my life.  The chances of it being one now is pretty slim.  It wouldn't heal, and was beginning to spread a bit.    It had been acutely bothering me for about 6 weeks when a friend said she'd had cancer in the same place and that this probably was that too.  As she is a RN, i assume she knows what she's talking about.

I chose not to rush to the doctor.  I've an appointment with Connealy the end of March, but decided i'd do what i could in the meantime.  I have used mostly essential oils.  I used Oregano, and Thieves' Oil, Comfrey, Black Seed (cumin), Vitamin E, Sweet Orange, Myrrh, and some others.  I also made a salve of Eggplant and apple cider vinegar (suppose to be the best home treatment for skin cancer), but i forgot and left it at my in-law's house, so it didn't get used much.  When i first began to treat it, it got worse and was quite uncomfortable.  I felt like i had a huge red sign on my face.  I did a daily scrub with Tea Tree Oil, Vitamin E, Black Seed, and some liquid magnesium, zinc, calcium, and D3.  I would add a bit of baking soda to this, (it foamed up in an interesting way), and scrub at the end of the night.  It began peeling.

I went thru about 2-1/2 weeks of "treatment phase." The treatment wasn't particularly pleasant.  My lip felt raw and exposed and not like part of my own body as it was stiff.  Those oils had a weird and often unpleasant taste.  I would have continued this longer, but it seemed to be ready for the next phase.  I began doing "healing" oils and salves.  One was a Devil's Club salve a friend had given to me.  The others were a Calendula salve with balsam and fir.  I have a slight pink area where the problem started.  If i begins to have the "it won't heal" thing again, i'll begin treatment, but at this point it seems to be entirely normal.

I probably won't ever know if it was cancer, if it was what type it was (basal or squamous), and if this really made a difference.  We don't get to know "what would have been."  It seems to me more normal to treat rather than wait of a biopsy to see if i should treat.

I don't expect much reaction from Connealy when i tell her, IF i tell her.  She'll probably shrug her shoulders and not comment.  Because she isn't very reactive (and i saw her last spring when i was in an emotional state after John died), i'm afraid she will label me as a drama queen or hypochondriac.  So i am careful about what i say to her.  I mostly need her to document my limitations.  I am very thankful to have her, and don't want to sound as if i'm not.  Without her i would probably be stuck with a conventional medicine man who would be a problem if i didn't follow his dictates.    I'm on a thyroid supplement now, and have been for a year, which would not have happened without Connealy.  I should have been put on one years and years ago, but as most doctors don't have any common sense, it didn't happen.  Thyroid issues are best found thru functioning.  Iodine in the thyroid can be replaced by bromide - found in breads and pastas, fluoride - found everywhere, and chlorine - also found everywhere.  When iodine is replaced, the lab work "looks normal" - but your body cannot utilize they thyroid hormones created with these imposters.

I mostly tend to trust what my body tells me, and use supplements and food as treatment.  It seems to be the safest way as most conventional medicine docs can't be trusted these days.




507

Thus and such

The veggie things yesterday were good.  I blew my diet.  I was thinking that those wrappers were so very thin and light that they couldn't have too many carbs.  Well, i was right when i only had one of these total.  However, she also had rice noodles.  I didn't take a lot, but when i looked it up later, oh yeah, a ton of carbs.  I would have done better to do veggies only.

(Image from Wrightfood, Lunch, Spring Rolls Three Ways)

Ours looked about like this.  She let each of us fill and wrap them ourselves.  We didn't do any meat in them and i didn't think to take a pic.

It sounds like i'm over-reacting on the diet.  However, the goal of this diet is to change my metabolism so that my body burns fat (ketos) instead of sugar (glucose).  Too many carbs short-circuits the process.  When my body expects glucose to burn and gets none, i get faint-feeling and dizzy and have trouble thinking.  So it is important, for now, to keep those carbs very, very low.  What that did yesterday was make me crave all kinds of things.  Mostly i settled for some cherry tomatoes, which over all wasn't too bad, but the total carbs for the day was rather high.

I have to keep reminding myself of why this is important to me.  One, of course, is that i really, really want to lose weight.  I'm not huge, huge, but i do not want to be the size i am.  The other is that i am so hoping that burning fat instead of sugar will help me to have more energy.  And weighing less could help with that!

(Image from DoItYourself Crossfit, Sports, IT and Other, What is my ideal body weight?)

Right now i'm falling between 35% and 40%.  A good goal for me would be to be between 25% and 30%.  I don't think it would be possible for me to get much smaller than that and be healthy.  Of course, i won't look like the pics above, anyway.  These folks are obviously much younger than i am.  Yeah, i think the "ideal" is the 15-17% pic, but i'm not going for some illusive number, but what will work for me.

A friend reminded me that this diet "Won't cure CFIDS/ME (Chronic Fatigue and Immune Deficiency Syndrome/Myalgic Encephalomyelitis or Myalgic Encephalopathy)."

She's right, of course, but at this point i'm willing to do whatever i can to try and improve my functioning.  Besides, while i may fall into this diagnosis, i believe that i came by it thru fluoride poisoning.  So maybe what is true for many others won't be quite the same for me.

We are all individual, both in how our bodies work and how we react to things.  I need to work within a realistic limit.


506  

Going into Town

I don't go into town a lot.  I do force myself to attend some things because i tend not to be very social. I LIKE being social and seeing people, but there are two problems.

One is that it simply tires me out a lot.  The second is, well frankly, other people just don't seem to have much time.  I can't say how many times i've planned something with someone, or called to see if they might have time, and it just never works out.

I'd even been complaining a while back about never seeing Duane's sister, and then stopped and said, "Well, Kathryn, what are YOU doing to try to remedy the situation?"  So i called and asked if we could take them to dinner sometime.  The answer was that they just do not have time.

The answer for that, it seems to me, is to go where people are already congregating and just be.  One is church of course.  Another is the knitting groups.  Another is this:

The Copper Q is a store in town that sells cooking utensils and appliances and paraphernalia.  They also sell cute things, teapots and cups and aprons, etc.  Also spices and tea.  They have a bakery and sell sandwiches and tea and coffee.  They also do cooking demonstrations on Thursday and Friday at noon, and twice on Saturday.

I don't go often, but when i do i go early and have tea and knit while i'm waiting.  Today is a Vietnamese Spring Roll.  I don't know if i'll be able to eat it, but i think i should go.  I meant to get out yesterday, but never did.

This is a rather high-end place, so i don't purchase things there often.  They are very good to support many of the activities in our community, so i do try to sometimes get things there.  If we were wealthy, i'm sure we'd have quite a lot of their things in our home.  So many of the things they have are so cute!

Sometimes i will go with a friend, but most times i just go alone.  (Not that i go very often.)  Big Bear is a small enough town that even if i don't know anyone, i usually can have a conversation with someone.  

505

Not a lot to say

. . . at least not that i want to share publicly.  I'm struggling with negativity, again.

We made it home last night quite safely and in good time.  I think Duane spent about 40 minutes using the snowblower to clear off the drive and other places we walk.  They'd been predicting up to 2 feet of snow, but we're guessing that we only got about 12 inches, and then that compacted during the day to about 8.  It was quite heavy, and there was still snow in the trees.  

Duane was up very early this morning to attend the funeral of the slain Deputy Sheriff.  

I've been doing a ketogenic diet to try to have more energy and to lose weight.  I've dropped 10 pounds thus far, but don't really feel it in my clothes.  I think i'm losing it in my legs, 'cause my trunk, chest, and arms snow no difference.  I find this a bit discouraging, but am determined to carry on.

I did start a new supplement on Tuesday.  It tastes horrible, but i'm willing to give it a try for at least a month to see if it helps.

504

Spring

NOT in Big Bear!  We have months of cold weather ahead, and if we are going to be serious about gardening, we need to build some cold frames.

Orange County has these trees bloom.  Of course Orange County has essentially no winter.  It does get down to freezing sometimes, and if the high is in the 50s people complain about "how cold" it is outside.  

These blossoms are out now.   I've never learned what kind of tree it is.  (And just spent about 10 minutes looking in Google with no results.)  It looks to me like a crab apple, but it never has any fruit.  They are so beautiful right now.

It is a little late in the year for them, it seems to me.  I remember them usually blooming mid-January to early February.  They are coming out full, right now.  

By being both on the mountain and in OC for two days, we get the best of both worlds.  We've had 12 inches of snow at home since leaving yesterday morning.  We won't see blooms in BB until the end of March or April, hopefully won't see our fruit trees bloom until into May, otherwise the blooms will get frosted.

(This website says that it could be a Bradford Pear, except the fall colors are multi rather than maroon.  I personally don't understand ornamental trees - why have them ornamental when you could have fruit?  Neither Duane nor i like our ornamental plum.)

503